Showing results for tags 'failure'.
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The beginning of my jenny journey started in may of this year, it involved a lot of cheating, lying to myself and excuses. I think during those 5 months I made 3 orders. I was completely not following the system. It was hard for me, I was the one stopping myself from succeeding. Today is day 3 since I switched from online to in person. I have been following my meal plan, crossing off each meal as I go. This time around I hope to succeed. I will use all the resources jenny provides us with, like this Blog. I have 80 pounds to lose, Wish me luck!
I apologize ahead of time if this post gets a bit lengthy. This week has been full of failures. I worked out once, and it wasn't even my choice. I haven't been making good food choices, stuck in limbo between eating the greasy, fatty foods I crave and not eating at all. It was Wednesday night; I was still feeling sick from the food I'd gotten from Dairy Queen, and I was laying in bed asking God why I always did this. What caused me to relapse? What were my triggers, and why did I respond the way I did? After praying and listening, it became clear to me something I haven't wanted to admit, something I've buried within my heart hoping nobody would notice...except it's been manifesting in the way I treat myself. I realized that I hate a part of myself, and have since I was little. I realized that it spawned from the belief that something was wrong with me because of who my father is, and what he's become. I've always seen it as a horrible thing to be like him in any way, but even then I've let the unforgiveness and bitterness and hatred towards him settle on my shoulders and in my heart, and I've been carrying the weight of it ever since, both emotionally and physically. Wednesday night, I broke. I saw my own heart, and I was disgusted with what I saw...but it wasn't until I began choosing to forgive my dad, forgive step-dad, forgive the others in my life who I've felt betrayed by, and ultimately forgive myself, that I began to breathe better. There was healing, but now I'm to the point of wondering where I go from here. There are decisions to be made; on Wednesday night, I didn't say that what they did was okay...I only gave up the right to hold their mistakes and trespasses against me over their heads. I gave up my right to hold a grudge, because it's a prison that only affects me. I'm tired of being in a prison, but now that the door is open, I find it hard knowing how to live a free life. Sorry, maybe this is sounding too cheesy...maybe it's making sense. I don't know. This week I feel like I've done anything but succeed. I gorged myself at Culvers. I indulged in Dairy Queen and salivated over my salad from McDonalds. Why am I writing this? Because if anyone else can read this, anyone else having trouble on their weight loss journey, I want you to know that you aren't alone. I've had my bad days, weeks, months...even years. I guess failure is a part of success as much as death is a part of life. Sometimes, things have to die before new life can grow; maybe, without realizing it, this is something I've been waiting for. Maybe this week needed to happen so that the dross in my heart my thoughts can be burned, purified, to make room for the new life and positive thinking that will replace it. If anything else, this was a week where I watched hatred die so that love could take its place; one more step towards loving myself to health instead of hating myself to death.
tap4jennycraig posted a blog entry in tap4jennycraig's BlogI learned two valuable lessons this past week and I will share them with you because you may be able to relate. As I write this article, I can smell someone cooking in one of the neighboring apartments and it smells delicious, but since I am not hungry, it is just a smell. It's gone now, thank you timely breeze . Ok, here we go with the first lesson. My friend agreed to ride with me as I went to see a friend who lived about an hour away. I was glad to have the company; however on the way she asked if we could stop at Jack-in-the-Box because she wanted to get a vanilla shake and a chocolate cake (aka "chocolate overload"). I felt a little funny that she would ask me, knowing that I was on Jenny Craig, but we went and I survived, sitting next to her as she slurped and stirred the thick shake and then moved on to the chocolate cake. My friend does not have a weight issue and we used to go and get this combo together and equally enjoyed slurping and stirring. I had a lot of time to think as she ate and at first I was a little angry thinking, "She is really going to eat this chocolate cake in front of me, really?" It almost seemed as though she was taunting me. I never looked in her direction as I continued to drive. What I learned is that my change to Jenny Craig has not only affected me, it has also affected my late night, fast-food run buddy and my friends that I use to tag along with as I went from one fast food place to another. What are they to do now that I no long visit these grease pits? I also realized that only "my" eating has changed, not theirs. They can still have whatever they want and I either have to be absent when they eat the stuff that I have chosen not to eat or find another way to deal with the situation. So here is what I came up with. When I am driving, we are not going to places that tempt me...period! I am also not going to ride with friends who want to make late night fast food runs. That is how I will deal with it! My success is important to me and I have to stand up for myself. The next circumstance showed me something very important about my relationship with food. I was asleep and I received a call at 2:30 a.m. from someone I know who was stranded and needed me to come get them. They were hysterical. Against the advice of my best friend, I went. I did not see them at the designated spot so I came back home. What was important is what happened before and after the event. Before I went, I was feeling reluctant about having them stay in my apartment. I did not want to go, but I had said that if they needed help, they could call me. I could not go back on my word. There were other things that complicated the situation even further so I was really disturbed while trying to work it out. After I started back home, I felt myself wanting to eat as I passed all of the neon signs calling me to their drive-thru. It was at that moment that I realized that I was "not" hungry, but I needed to calm myself down. I fought the urge and came home and tossed and turned in my bed until I finally fell asleep. Not eating taught me that I didn't have to give into an old crutch. I had done what the CD (Touchstones for Success: How to Change Your Mind To Achieve Your Goals) said and let my emotions play out and then intervened as the non-biased negotiator. I was proud of that moment. Being on Jenny Craig is not only taking the weight off of me. It is teaching me about myself and I love that. I notice that I swipe my debit card less because I am not eating out and I notice that I can go into a store and leave without candy. I feel powerful in my new journey and I know it will last as I loose the weight and gain a greater perspective. I hope you are doing well on the program too and if you stumble a little, that's ok. You have time to correct your flow and still end up where you want to be. Thank you for reading and make it happen. You can do it!!