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  1. ItalianMommy

    Looking in the mirror

    A few weeks ago, I had an epiphany. I took a long, hard look in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. What happened to me? Not only had my body changed drastically in a short amount of time, but even my face. It wasn't just the shape that changed. I no longer had the high cheeks bones that made people compliment my bone structure. I also realized that not only did I have a few more chins, but my neck was pretty much invisible. My cheeks were puffy; and I realized, mannn I am blown up like a balloon. One thing that I had always taken pride in was the way I did my hair and makeup. I had always gotten compliments, always had people ask me to do theirs.. but recently, not so much. Maybe that was because somewhere along the line I had given up on myself once I started gaining weight. I stopped doing my hair and makeup- I still don't know whether it was because I became so lazy I didn't want to do it, or I just stopped caring in general. Probably a combination of both. All this time I have gained weight, I have completely voided out any chance of a social life. I had become introverted. Plans with friends were no longer of any interest to me because everything revolved around eating and drinking and I just didn't want to be a part of it. I went from having plans and being invited out to eat every other weekend to being the "old friend of theirs" who never came out anymore. I made up every excuse in the book to not go out because I was so ashamed of how fat I got. It was only three years ago that I had a nice, thin figure. Thanks to Jenny Craig. You see, weight has always been an issue for me, even since childhood. I have tried various diets throughout the years and didn't know why the numbers on the scale were always fluctuating. I have had issues with my health since I was a young teen. Finally being diagnosed with hypothyroid disease was what made me realize why I was struggling so much- on every diet I tried. Why was I gaining on a diet and not losing? After I was finally put on medication to get my thyroid levels regulated, I was ready to get on track and take the reigns. I found Jenny and realized she was the only one for me When I went on Jenny Craig the first time, it was a total success. I had lost around 40 lbs in a very short amount of time. I was so proud of myself and I got down to about 147 lbs (totally forgot the statistics lol). I looked great, felt great and fit into clothing that I hadn't worn in a very long time. I did not reach my goal because I was having more health issues and just couldn't keep an appointment if I tried. Not too long after my big weight loss I became pregnant. That is when everything I learned at Jenny went out the window and I thought I had an excuse to eat everything and anything I wanted. I gained 70 lbs during my pregnancy. No I did not have quints, quadruplets, triplets or twins. I had one baby.... and no, the placenta nor baby weighed 70 lbs. So why, do you ask, did I gain all that weight? It was simply because I lost all willpower and self control. Thank goodness towards the end of my pregnancy I realized I could have easily developed gestational diabetes and my poor diet could have harmed the little miracle inside of me; so I immediately switched gears and ate right, but I didn't lose any weight it was just stagnant at that point. The day after I gave birth I said "I'm gonna get my body back and I'll do everything I can to do so"... I didn't. Instead I gained another 30 lbs... and now, years later... I am looking in the mirror and realizing that this is the example I am setting as a mother. Your child will look at you and think you are perfect the way you are even if you are an unhealthy weight whether it be obese or too thin. They do not know better. Children pick up on habits very easily and quickly. I did go back a second time to Jenny, but only for a hot minute. I decided that I was not eating the food or following the program as I should so why waste the money. Since then I have given myself a long list of health problems and I am fairly too young to have them. Other than high cholesterol and triglyceride levels, I have a very fatty liver and the fat enzymes are leaking into my liver. I have additional back, hip, and leg problems with pain due to the extra weight I carry. All because I didn't take care of myself. My family is the reason I am doing this. Not because I want to look good in photos again, or to become social again, or even to be happy looking in the mirror again, Those are all a plus. I want to be able to live a long, happy healthy life with my child and I want to be able to be a regular mom doing regular mom things without getting out of breath. That's all I want. Hopefully third time's the charm... I'm back on the program for about three weeks. I have lost 10.6 lbs so far and I am more enthusiastic and excited than I have ever been before. I know it's too soon to actually see a change; but I sure do feel one. I look in the mirror now and I envision what I could be, what I will be; if I can just give up being so controlled by my emotional eating. I am no longer going to eat my emotions: happy, sad, angry, bored, excited, anxious, etc. What I am going to eat are the words I have said all too much: I can't do this. I was a martial artist for 11 years from childhood to teenhood. (It kept me in shape and active until I stopped going; [that's a good topic for another blog]...) One thing that my Shihan told me that applies to everything in life will always stick with me: Do not say you can't do something. Can And Never Tried.
  2. good2B150

    Time to start over

    Hello, all. I originally joined Jenny Craig back in spring of 2010. I liked the food and how easy it was to follow, and I really enjoyed talking to my counselor. Very quickly, I was starting to see some happy results. Shortly after having joined, however, my world turned upside down when my husband and I separated. My counselor was wonderful - she would often just shut the door to her office and let me cry for a few minutes before talking. I was a mess and crying all the time back then. After she let me get it out, she would gently emphasize how much I needed structure, and that sticking to a food plan would help anchor me while there was so much upheaval in my life. That is really all I remember her saying. All of that is pretty much a blur in my mind because I was very depressed and caught up in the emotional issues surrounding the crumbling of my marriage. I was seeing a therapist and was on anti-depressants. My commitment to the JC program fluctuated over the next year. I would try for a few weeks and then struggle, indulge, and try again. I don't think I ever really followed it properly - I remember just eating the JC meals and rarely supplementing them with fruits and veggies - I don't know why I did it that way and thought it would work. I believe I came in with a goal to lose about 85-90 lbs. Eventually I lost around 15 or 18 lbs., I can't remember exactly, but just couldn't do it anymore. I was depressed, unemployed, broke, and feeling completely lost. I had to focus on finding a job and avoiding getting evicted from my apartment, while also dealing with my divorce. So, I don't remember how long I had stayed away from JC, probably a little over two years. I had been dealing with so much in that time, it was like a roller-coaster ride. I had been seeing this great guy for about a year and a half, but nothing was happening with my divorce. My husband and I had tried mediation, but it did not work out and we were not communicating anymore. I had no money, literally, and almost got evicted. At the 11th hour, it seemed, I got a job. Even though it was only part-time, my new job made a huge difference in my life - I liked working there, had somewhere to go, a little more structure, and was meeting people and making some money. I even lost a little more weight because I was now more active (on my feet all day at work, with a flight of stairs I have to climb several times throughout the day), and then I was asked to go full-time, which I really wanted. Then the guy I was seeing suddenly broke up with me and that rejection stirred up all those feelings of loss I'd experienced when my husband moved out. Ugh. Soon after that, my husband was in touch again, trying to move our divorce proceedings along. We are more friendly now, but trying to agree on terms was stressful! I did say roller-coaster ride, right? Strangely enough, I kept running into my former JC counselor not only in my neighborhood (she lives near me), but in various places around town, and at the oddest moments. She had moved on and is no longer working for JC anymore, but it was like a reminder popping up every now and then which made me think about joining again. I'd always intended to get back to Jenny. Finally, I felt I'd had enough with being fat and so I did join again this past November. I made the choice to do it online because I work into the evenings and now have had very little time to schedule consultations. I'm not a morning person, so going before work would make me crazy. Plus with my old counselor gone, and all the memories of crying in that office, I just wanted to do it differently. I was gung-ho for the first two weeks, and lost about 4 lbs, but I really don't think I was quite ready. I still had to deal with occasional bouts of depression (though, thankfully, I am not on anti-depressants anymore) and I had a very busy schedule over the holidays and let things slide a bit. Plus it's been so bone-chillingly cold this winter, I just wanted to stay indoors and feed my face! Just before the new year, I was promoted to a management position, and now had more responsibilities and a bigger paycheck. I started eating out more often and indulging in alcohol, to "celebrate." I wasn't buying the JC food anymore, and began gaining weight again. Ugh, not heading in the right direction! What really got to me was this pair of jeans I really like, suddenly being tight on me. I had bought them a few months earlier while I was losing weight and had imagined myself needing to take them in at some point. They are a size 18. So, it killed me when I pulled them on and had a muffin top! It was hard to button them and that made me mad. So, this week, I re-committed myself. It just sort of happened without premeditation - I bought the food, stocked up on fruits & veggies, started reading and re-reading the literature I still have, and planned menus for the coming week. I can't believe that I never really familiarized myself with all the things we are allowed to eat (ie., the "limited free foods"), and maybe that's why I was struggling for so long. I am feeling much better already, after just a couple of days. My job is good, my divorce is getting closer to being finalized, and my STBX and I are actually on more friendly terms with each other. As of today, I have 67 lbs to lose in order to reach my goal weight. This time I feel like I know I will get there, I don't know why. But crikey, it's about time.
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