Showing results for tags 'challenges'.
Found 3 results
I'm really tempted to whine today. So, couple things about me: 1) I have chronic pain; I've had it in my hip for 12+ years (I'm in my 30's, it started right out of college) and it also periodically migrates to my back, or causes other peripheral pains throughout my back and neck 2) I'm a woman working in a male-dominated industry and I get frustrated easily by the Old Boys Club. I'm working on letting it slide off my back, but there are times where I just have to put my foot down, and I'm just not a confrontational person, so it's difficult for me to deal with those times. Today, my chronic pain is higher than usual. I also had to deal with a very condescending older man who wanted to argue over legal terminology with me (I'm an attorney, he is not). My schedule is pretty full, and I'm tired and bordering on anxious and depressed. Plus, I'm angry at myself because I scraped someone's bumper while parking a couple weeks ago, and I am now paying the repair on that, which is an expense I just don't need, but I will never be the person who doesn't leave a note for doing something like that (Plus... I left a note, and the person is STILL requesting a cashier's check, so I have to pay the fee for it! Lady, if I didn't want to pay you, I wouldn't have left a note in the first place and just gotten away with it!). To counteract this, I'm going to list off some positive things: 1) Tonight, I'm having a little bit of seafood for dinner (it'll be a little indulgent, but I'm not going to go crazy - I've learned I can actually handle moderation when I need to) 2) Soon, I will have my two puppy dogs by my side, wagging their tails and cheering me up with their kisses 3) I've made a little bit of money today, which is reassuring, as I'm a small business owner and sometimes get a little financially stressed 4) I gained some weight (1 pound) on vacation, but today I'm down to lower than I was before vacation 5) I managed to do my workout today, despite my back pain (it is pain that, if I keep active, won't stiffen up - it's better to be active than to rest, but sometimes I feel so defeated that I can barely move... today, I overcame that and even did some of my harder exercises on the TRX) 6) I managed to handle the condescending older man while still being classy and professional, but also firm and standing my ground. 7) I get to read a really nice book before I go to sleep tonight (Name of the Wind... almost done with it and ready to start on Book 2 of the series) Time to power on through and finish the day strong!
I'm writing this here now. My future goals. I don't want to overwhelm myself with all I want to accomplish at once. So, I'm putting this in writing to remind myself what I would love to accomplish as I get healthier. Later in my journey, I want to view this and see how far I've come. This year's goal was to get my physical health in order. I'm on my way. I've been working with doctors to make sure my health is in check. They're actually listening to me! Now I have no excuses as to why I can't lose weight - not even menopause. Enter Jenny Craig. So here's the rest on my wish list: getting to 10% documenting my journey walking the neighborhood with my dogs (they're not good walkers right now) making exercise part of breathing - doing it every day completing the Adirondack Fire Tower Challenge (1 down, 28 to go!) Hiking the beginner to mid-level mountains of the 46 High Peaks in the Adirondacks (many are expert level hikes) learning to enjoy food reaching 75 lb weight loss goal before Summer 2018
I apologize ahead of time if this post gets a bit lengthy. This week has been full of failures. I worked out once, and it wasn't even my choice. I haven't been making good food choices, stuck in limbo between eating the greasy, fatty foods I crave and not eating at all. It was Wednesday night; I was still feeling sick from the food I'd gotten from Dairy Queen, and I was laying in bed asking God why I always did this. What caused me to relapse? What were my triggers, and why did I respond the way I did? After praying and listening, it became clear to me something I haven't wanted to admit, something I've buried within my heart hoping nobody would notice...except it's been manifesting in the way I treat myself. I realized that I hate a part of myself, and have since I was little. I realized that it spawned from the belief that something was wrong with me because of who my father is, and what he's become. I've always seen it as a horrible thing to be like him in any way, but even then I've let the unforgiveness and bitterness and hatred towards him settle on my shoulders and in my heart, and I've been carrying the weight of it ever since, both emotionally and physically. Wednesday night, I broke. I saw my own heart, and I was disgusted with what I saw...but it wasn't until I began choosing to forgive my dad, forgive step-dad, forgive the others in my life who I've felt betrayed by, and ultimately forgive myself, that I began to breathe better. There was healing, but now I'm to the point of wondering where I go from here. There are decisions to be made; on Wednesday night, I didn't say that what they did was okay...I only gave up the right to hold their mistakes and trespasses against me over their heads. I gave up my right to hold a grudge, because it's a prison that only affects me. I'm tired of being in a prison, but now that the door is open, I find it hard knowing how to live a free life. Sorry, maybe this is sounding too cheesy...maybe it's making sense. I don't know. This week I feel like I've done anything but succeed. I gorged myself at Culvers. I indulged in Dairy Queen and salivated over my salad from McDonalds. Why am I writing this? Because if anyone else can read this, anyone else having trouble on their weight loss journey, I want you to know that you aren't alone. I've had my bad days, weeks, months...even years. I guess failure is a part of success as much as death is a part of life. Sometimes, things have to die before new life can grow; maybe, without realizing it, this is something I've been waiting for. Maybe this week needed to happen so that the dross in my heart my thoughts can be burned, purified, to make room for the new life and positive thinking that will replace it. If anything else, this was a week where I watched hatred die so that love could take its place; one more step towards loving myself to health instead of hating myself to death.