Each day I eat "clean," I feel a sense of accomplishment.  Each morning I step on the scale and the number is a little bit lower, I feel a little bit better.  I have to admit, none of this is easy, and I have to wonder whether the outcome is worth it.

I went to the doctor last week.  I poured my heart out to her.  I told her how I had been dieting, and not only was I not losing weight, but the scale was moving in the wrong direction.  I told her I was scared.  Scared my thyroid is acting up, that my hypothyroidism is not being controlled by my medication.  Scared that I have heart disease, and the weight gain is a symptom.  Scared something else is wrong.  I am just plain scared.  She did a full work up, but she warned me that during the first five years of menopause, some women just gain weight, especially around their bellies.  No amount of dieting does any good when the body decides this is what it wants to do.  She told me I am not overweight.  She also told me there is nothing wrong with maintaining a healthy diet and exercise regimen, so she was happy to see me continue the 1,200 calorie/day JC routine.

So, I am back to JC.  On Saturday, I weighed 101.4.  This morning, I weighed 99 lbs.  I don't know how much I can lose, but we'll see.  Middle age really does stink.