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First Shopping Trip Since Starting Jenny Craig

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mia'smom

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I went shopping earlier this week.  My favorite little store had a sale that was ending soon, and I didn't want to miss out.  I knew I should look and see if they had some basics I need.  But I was still feeling unsure.  Insecure about my looks, my body, my weight loss.  Is this the body I want to have?  The me I want to be?  I want to buy clothes for a trip my husband and I will be taking in the fall.  I want to think that I will be at my goal weight (3.5 lbs lighter than I am now) by then, and I will think of myself as thin and beautiful.  Well, life doesn't work that way, but that is both good and bad, something I will come to realize by the end of my shopping trip.

 

At first, I try not to stand in my underwear in front of the mirror.  I tell the saleslady, with whom I have worked so many times before, that it is a matter of modesty, and realize how silly I sound.  In reality, I am uncomfortable with seeing my body, essentially unclothed (it is summer, and I am wearing nothing but a pair of underwear and a triangle bra), reflected in so many mirrors.  Suddenly, all I can see are flaws: the protruding tummy (it matter little how many sit-ups I do, it's always there), the beefy upper arms, the ample thighs and hips (my husband loves to run his hands over my small waist and down my hips and thighs -- all I can feel is how much darn fat my hips and thighs accumulate).  It seems no matter how much weight I lose, the fat accumulates in the same troublesome spots.  I feel the confidence drain from me.  I want, now, desperately, to pull my jeans, tank top, and jacket back on and run out of the store.  I don't belong there,  I am a fat slob.

 

The saleslady comes in with clothes for me to try on.  I am trying to cover my upper arms with one hand and my stomach with another.  I want somehow, to be a tall, willowy model type.  Why am I so short, so chubby?  Nothing fits me as I try it on.  Then, suddenly . . . A beautiful blue tank top that will work perfectly in my wardrobe . . . fits.  I breathe a sigh of relief.  Of course, it's just a tank top.  But it's a start.  Then, a mock turtleneck.  Oh, so cozy.  Perfect for the fall.  Oh, did I mention the size?  It's a small!  Moving on to other things.  Hmm .  . . I like a leather jacket.  But it's a size 0.  No way.  Moving on.  Then they bring out some leggings.  I mean, they are just leggings.  I figure I am a small.  But I am actually a petite!  Listen,  I am well aware of vanity sizing, but still.  I will take my victories where I find them.  Finally, the most beautiful suit.  The jacket (open cut) is a size 0.  The skirt I initially tried on in a size 4, but it was huge.  We finally settled on a size 2.  It still required a bit of tailoring (to turn the A-line into a pencil, more flattering to my current figure).  

 

And suddenly I realized, I don't have a tall, willowy figure.  But I can still look good in clothes.  And I can still be proud of my weight loss.  Even if I am not losing five pounds a week.  Even if I have beefy upper arms and a flabby stomach.  Because each week, I am losing weight, and making strides towards my goal.  And I don't have to be a tall, willowy creature to be a success.

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missbumble

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You got this.. Being comfortable naked is no easy task.. But I bet your hubby would just love lf you could enjoy it.  I wish that for you - and I know what its like.. For me I have extra skin... and now 15 lbs extra as well... but  I bet we both can loo spectacular  in clothes... And in bed he is just **** happy to be touching your silkiness 

 

So glad you found so em great outfits. Can't wait for you to buy Joe's jeans .. or whatever your favorite ones are... Suck you in.. a few nice holes... a half tucked black t-shirt and you will be rocking it! (Or whatever your thing is).... 

 

And on vacation you will rock the outfits. Whether you are 3 lbs lighter or not. Because 3 lbs does not a size make (It just is nice for wiggle room literally and figuratively) 

 

I so appreciate you showing up here and sharing.. 

 

Here's to you - rock star!

 

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Wonderful blog!  I am right there with you. I need new clothes that fit but going into the dressing room is so stressful.  On a whim I ordered skinny jeans from Neiman-Marcus on big sale/mark down.  I was so excited that they fit - I could wear them everyday.  I love how they hug my butt and slim my legs. And best of all - they fit me perfectly.   I hope they get too big for me soon.   

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