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Quietly staying on track

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mia'smom

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I spoke to my JCC last night.  It went well enough, I suppose.  I lost weight, which is the focus of it all.  But the truth is, she sounds as if she is on some kind of a script.  Here I am, reminding her (she had clearly, clearly forgotten) how I had gone down to see my father in the hospital last week.  How he was dying.  How I had to say good-bye.  I told her I went off-program for six days.  She glossed over all of that; it just was not in her notes and she did not know how to respond.  I told her that being back had been good; that having the program, the scheduled meals, the meditation practice, has been so healthy and mind-saving for me.  She acknowledged what I had said, but didn't really have more to add.  I felt let down.  I know.  I know.  I am very sensitive right now.  But I desperately wanted some kind of validation about everything I have been going through, and the fact that JC has been a bit of an anchor for me these days.  Instead, she just went right into, "Do you think you'll have any obstacles this coming week?" I wanted to laugh.  Or cry.  I mean, I don't know, sweetie.  It's possible that my father will die this week.  Oh, and I am working on my taxes, which are totally up in the air right now.  And I have to start my Continuing Legal Ed.  And did I mention my father is in hospice care and might die this week?  But don't you worry, I am not reaching for the raw cookie dough.  Not yet.

 

Meh, don't listen to me.  I have a migraine, and am in a bit of a mood.

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So sorry to read about your situation.  Any of these things would be a challenge, not just to your diet changes but to your health and life in general.  I know some people have difficulty knowing what to say to people with true problems, not just the common "I had a flat tire and was late to church" types of problems.  It is a shame your JCC did not handle the situation well.   It sounds to me that you are running a tape loop of problems, not surprising but it is tearing you apart.  I myself was recently told that, if lucky I could live 3 more years.  That tape loop is running in my background all the time so I can sympathize.  Hang in.  The thing that keeps me sane is concentrating on the little everyday things.  Do this task as it should be done, plan the next thing.  The routine is giving me time to cope and normalize the situation.  No one can make your problems go away but there are those who do want to support you.  

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Thank you for your comment.  Thank you for being here, for hearing me.  

 

I am so sorry about what you are going through.  I cannot even begin to imagine how you cope with a diagnosis that definitive, that dark.  You are right that the routine helps one to cope and normalize.  @ocfb, I hear you, and I am here for you.  Hugs to you.  And, again, thank you.

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Thank you for your kindness.  I still have hope.  I will do all I can to prolong the time-span and hope they find a cure.    And Jenny's recipe for tuna salad is terrible.  lol  But that was Sunday lunch for me today and I managed to eat it.  We can do this.

  

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2chopsticks

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when my Dad died a few years back, I called to cancel my JC appointment.  I cannot believe that I remembered to do that. 

 

Take care of yourself  even it is something simple.  It helps.

 

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