I spoke to my JCC last night. It went well enough, I suppose. I lost weight, which is the focus of it all. But the truth is, she sounds as if she is on some kind of a script. Here I am, reminding her (she had clearly, clearly forgotten) how I had gone down to see my father in the hospital last week. How he was dying. How I had to say good-bye. I told her I went off-program for six days. She glossed over all of that; it just was not in her notes and she did not know how to respond. I told her that being back had been good; that having the program, the scheduled meals, the meditation practice, has been so healthy and mind-saving for me. She acknowledged what I had said, but didn't really have more to add. I felt let down. I know. I know. I am very sensitive right now. But I desperately wanted some kind of validation about everything I have been going through, and the fact that JC has been a bit of an anchor for me these days. Instead, she just went right into, "Do you think you'll have any obstacles this coming week?" I wanted to laugh. Or cry. I mean, I don't know, sweetie. It's possible that my father will die this week. Oh, and I am working on my taxes, which are totally up in the air right now. And I have to start my Continuing Legal Ed. And did I mention my father is in hospice care and might die this week? But don't you worry, I am not reaching for the raw cookie dough. Not yet.
Meh, don't listen to me. I have a migraine, and am in a bit of a mood.