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No sugarcoating -- my father is dying

mia'smom

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I went to see my father a week ago.  Flew back home on Friday night.  How do I describe it?  He was lying in a hospital bed.  There is not much left of him.  His face is sunken in; his arms and legs look like twigs, his ribs and vertebrae protrude through his skin.  He had pneumonia, a kidney infection, and a systemic infection.  Two different antibiotics were being given to him intravenously.  He had not been conscious for months.  Nutrition was being administered intravenously.  After several unsuccessful (and bloody) attempts, a naso-gastric tube was finally inserted, making it possible for him to receive nutrients through the digestive tract.  He has received two blood and one platelet transfusion.

 

The naso-gastric tube makes it possible for him to receive antibiotics through the digestive tract. This makes him a viable candidate for hospice care, meaning he may not die in the hospital.  Every day, they tell us he may be discharged from the hospital and into hospice.  Every day, something goes wrong, and he is not stable enough for discharge into hospice.  I finally had to come back home on Friday.  I have to finish putting together the paperwork on our taxes this week, so that we can meet with our accountant by the end of the month.  

 

I have come to terms with the fact that my father may very well die in the hospital.  It is not what I want for him.  Then again, none of this is what he wanted: this long, relentless, meaningless process of death with absolutely no quality of life.  Sigh.

 

Yes, I gained all the weight back.  I ate what I could, when I could.  And I was too concerned about other things to do much about it.  It was all about hospital cafeteria food, the ensaimadas (look those up) my mother brought over, fresh from the bakery, for breakfast a couple of mornings, and endless amounts of Diet Coke and water.

 

So it is back to Jenny now.  But I have to say, much as I am enjoying the food and the routine of it all, as I look in my closet to set aside the black suits and make sure the outfits are clean for my father's funeral, I feel all kinds of numb.  Losing weight seems so much less important now . . . 



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missbumble

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So sorry to hear about your dad. Just went through a few years with my parents. So glad you went though to give your mom comfort. I looked up those bakery items.. and they look good. I'm sure it was about comfort food. And don't despair over the weight, you will get it off. 

 

After my Dad died  turned to Jenny with a vengeance. I wanted to be in the best shape I could be in. He had said if there's something bothering you about your life - fix it.. So I did. 

 

I need to remember that I honor him by being happy - and living. You returned home to take care of yourself - taxes and Jenny. 

 

I hope you have some peace during this very difficult time - and hoping Dad is at peace and out of pain - Hopefully the hospital is helping him get relief. 

 

Big Cyber Hug!

Sue

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IWantToBeHealthy

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I am so sorry about your dad.  I’m glad you got to see him and I hope your memories of him will bring you solace.

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Hope that his suffering isn't prolonged.  I can't stand hospitals.   I've traveled that path with both my parents but lucky (?) that they were able to die at home.  My quest for weight-loss is fueled by my ambition to outlive them -- big time.  Neither of my parents saw 70 yrs old and they actually were both very healthy people until they each had a major illness.  At 54, I have a lot of living to do and I want to live each and every one of those days in best possible shape.  I am sorry that your family is not near you - that must be very difficult.  Hoping for better days ahead for you.  

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So sorry to hear about your father's declining health.  Watching someone you love suffer and feeling helpless to do anything is the absolute worst feeling. We lost both of my in-laws this past fall - my FIL on October and MIL in December. FIL had cancer and went quicker than anyone expected - which I see as a blessing. MIL was completely unexpected, but after a fall in August with a broken femur, she had one issue after the other and her health declined to the point where she was in a state very similar to your father's.  I find comfort in knowing that they had a long life that was lived well and were surrounded by people who loved them.  I will be praying for you and your family.

 

~Marguerite

 

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