7 replies to this topic

[msbanan2u]

And down 10#!! Woohoo! An issue that is coming up is kind of hard to explain. I have lost these 10 pounds many times and have always had a hard time getting beyond it. The lowest my weight has been in the past 10 years is 178. I'll usually get to the low 180's and hit a road block, get tired of whatever plan I'm on and give up. I had a rough day on Friday and abandoned the plan. Ate whatever, drank whatever until I felt sick. I was mad and frustrated and feeling deprived. I've been weighing twice a week which certainly didn't help. I thought that if I weighed midweek that it would help get me through the weekends, which are hard for me because of the lack of a structured schedule. But all it did was frustrate me and cause me to feel even more deprived.

I'm sure this is where my anger came from on Friday. My midweek weigh in had me up a pound and I could see the same thing happening all over again. I kept thinking that it wasn't going to work and that I was doomed to stay this weight forever. So I said f*@k it and dove head first into a bag of chips with a beer chaser. I knew this would happen and even talked to my JCC about it last week.

She says I need to figure out what is causing me to sabotage myself and what I'm afraid of. I don't really know how to do that. I've been completely on plan the past two days. I'm hoping that the part of me that wants to face whatever this is down is stronger than that voice that I listened to on Friday. For the mean time, no more midweek weigh ins.

So, my wise board members, have any of you experienced something similar? Was there a part of you that was afraid to lose weight? How did you figure out what was holding you back?

[kwads]

Hey Anna,
I too have been struggling with this. My starting weight was much higher this time than it has been in the past and that is why I finally said, enough is enough. I'm going to give you a few hints my therapist gave me when it came to me losing weight, because like you I would lose those ten pounds and then I would stop.Here are a few questions to ask yourself, and if you answer no to any of these, then it's time to work on yourself not just physically but emotionally. Do you feel that you are worth it? Do you feel you deserve the weight loss? Do you allow people to get close to you emotionally?
I too answered no to most of these. My therapist told me I keep my weight on as a barrier. I don't want people to be able to see me for more than my weight. This may not be your case but once I really thought about these things I knew I was ready for a change. I hope this helps you realize you are worth the weight loss. You can do this!

[manthony72]

I would sabotage myself but say it was okay to do it every once in a while and then get back on board. Well this worked from age 30-36 .......... then I just stopped being on track altogether and now at almost 40, I am the heaviest I've ever been in my life. It's about discovering your relationship with food and how much power you are going to give that relationship in your life. My inability to control has not made me happy in my life and I want the control back. I want to be a happier, more confident person and I am doing this through JC and soul searching. Try some self help books, try posting encouragement around your house, try tracking your every food particle and movement and if you see nothing on that scale, try to feel if your clothes are looser or if you have more energy. Just my two cents! These boards have been so helpful to me and I know you can do this and keep at it and try to mix it up and YOU WILL SEE RESULTS!!

[Jen.M]

For me, I'm pretty much in line with kwads. I used my weight as a barrier to keep other people from getting too close. I'm still struggling with it, but it's a low self esteem issue. It's also something I've obsessed over for so long that I'm not sure what will take its place if/when I don't have to worry about my weight anymore. So I guess some of it is just fear of the unknown - what will happen when I don't define myself as 'that fat woman who would be able to do so much more with herself if she'd just lose the weight.' I still haven't figured out how I'm defining myself now, but in the interim I just look at myself as 'that used-to-be-fat woman who's working on getting her s*!t together.' I also am in therapy, so I'm working with him to figure out who I am to myself now and in the meantime just letting the food and the exercise do its thing with as little input from my brain as possible.

[msbanan2u]

Thanks for your replies. It's actually all of those things, I think. I tried to answer your questions, Kayla and couldn't so it looks like I have some instrospection to do. I also get very uncomfortable when people begin to notice my weight loss. That will send me in a tail spin very quickly. My planned response is "I'm working on it" but I just want to come out of my skin when people notice.

Also, my little voice that says its ok to indulge once in awhile is my husband. In fact, he told me that tonight. He's been gone for the last 5 weeks and will be gone for 2 more. Him coming home will be a true test so I want to figure this stuff out so I will be strong enough to say "I want this, I deserve this, and I'm doing this for me."

On a good note, I put on a pair of pants today that I haven't worn in awhile and they're too big. That made my day!

[kwads]

Go girl! Good job!

[manthony72]

That feelings so great! Live in that feeling and have a great day!

[Jen.M]

Congrats, Anna! Love that feeling! Hang in there and stay strong - you are worth it!