17 replies to this topic

[Jen.M]

Well, I totally blew it this past weekend. I was at my brother's house celebrating our belated Christmas with them, and man, I just blew it. One rice krispies treat turned into 5, one kahlua mudslide to ring in the new year got supplemented with two glasses of champagne, it was just a mess. Even after I got home I found myself seeking out every bit of chocolate and sugar I could find. I've been pretty good so far, why all of a sudden am I pigging out on all the crap I know I shouldn't have?

I think I figured out why. Unfortunately, I think it's my family. I've been angry with them for months (well, about this one particular issue - I've been angry with them for YEARS, really.), and the last thing I had any desire to do was spend the weekend with my brother and sister-in-law, hearing about how rich and successful they are, seeing the new Ford F-150 truck and the new Lincoln SUV they bought, listening to their big plans to go out to Vegas and do a VIP evening at the Wynn, you get the idea. The only reason I went was because my daughter absolutely adores their daughter and I couldn't see keeping her away from her favorite cousin because of my hang-ups. Still, I think that's what did me in. The stress of listening to their superficial garbage, trying to keep a happy face put on, and biting my tongue all weekend was just too much. I put all my energy into those things and couldn't keep the cravings for sweets in check on top of it all.

Once again, here I go, back on the plan 100% and hoping I can undo some of the damage before WI, but honestly - I think the best thing I can do for my weight loss plan is avoid my family entirely. It makes me so sad, but I guess it's time to face the fact that they're not going to change and I'm never going to have that happy relationship with my parents or my brother that I wanted. So I might as well quit trying and sabotaging myself.

[Free of Concern]

Hi Jen, so sorry that you had such a bad time with your Brother's family Congratulations though on not standing in the way of your daughter's relationship with her cousin.

As for blowing it...you went off program yes but now you are stepping back and looking at what happened to determine the why. If you can understand the why then you can develop techniques to use when you are faced with these situations again. You made the decision to stop eating the junk and go back to program so congratualtions on your choice.

As for your brother & sister&law, do you really want their life? Think of what they have to give up in order to afford those pricey items. Would you trade your husband or daughter for what they have? I don't think so...from your posts you express such joy & pride with your own family. People often brag to compensate for poor esteem or for what is not going right in their life. When I see your posts I see a confident strong and determined woman and that cannot be bought but is developed through hard work.

Yes you fell down but now you are getting up and going back to your program so congratulations! I wish you all the best in this new year

[nancy5012]

Jen - I think we all have friends or family like this, or at least know someone like this. Good for you to look past it and give your daughter time with her cousin. There is going to be a point in time where you just accept that this is how they are, warts and all, and let it roll off your back. You seem to have so much more meaningful things in your life!

I can understand how the stress of it all caused you to reach out for food - but you are now back on the right track.

Here is to a fabulous 2012 for you and your family!

[Jen.M]

Oh, believe me, I do NOT want to be my brother or sister-in-law. They're probably the most selfish, superficial people I know. That's part of the problem. It drives me crazy to see them get the things they want/need so easily, to not have to worry about finances, but to have them require us to pay for our own food when we visit, to decree that they're not buying gifts for the adults in the family this year because money is too tight for everyone (and then turn around and buy gifts anyway - what the heck is that??) while showing off their new boat, new truck, new SUV, you get the idea. So many people work so hard for what they have, it makes me nuts to see them hardly have to put any effort into it and then hold it over others' heads. And then to have them buy tickets to go visit my parents for Christmas so that the "family" can have Christmas together (without me or my husband or daughter - it's only my brother and I, no other sibs), for the second year running. So frustrating, and SO hard to keep a happy face on so that Ellie can enjoy her time with her favorite cousin. Fortunately I think we're safe for another few months, so I can develop a new strategy for dealing with them next time.

[Free of Concern]

Ok I get the picture now. For your own sanity stay away from them. I have "issues" with my brothers but it is nothing like what you are dealing with. After much soul searching on my part I am at peace with them and can enjoy my time with them.

Now that you have described the situation I understand that you may need to cut them off in order to preserve your peace of mind. Do what is best for you and your family.

Take care!

[mindymdc]

Awww Jen I'm so sorry you went through all that. I have some significant family issues and can relate. Especially through the holidays...emotional eating is harder to resist under such circumstances. Don't worry about your superficial brother and sil, their money apparently isn't buying happiness, or they wouldn't be lording it over everyone, they would be sharing their joy. So focus on YOU and what makes you happy, and what keeps you on your plan. Whatever extra pounds crept on will drop off quickly enough. Drink extra water and walk extra miles and follow your plan and you will be back on track in no time!!!

[I Called Jenny]

Jen, so sorry that you have to go through that with your family.

I have two brothers - one is EXTREMELY successful and the other is barely holding on but most his his problems are of his making.

I don't enjoy visiting either of them for a variety of reasons but I do to make my parents happy and to "keep the peace." One is always talking about how hard things are and the other tells us about their multiple vacations, Jags, etc.

I wouldn't want to have either of their lives.

But the thing that was MOST shocking is that when you visit with them you have to buy your own food?!?!?! I mean how CHEAP and OUTRAGEOUS a thing is that?!?! Wow! Talk about losers.

I don't care how much money they have, they're not quality people and you are DEFINITELY that and I'll take quality over flash ANY day!

[nycgirlkat]

I'm sorry to hear you had a stressful visit with your brother and his family. I have people like that in my life as well. When I'm faced with spending time with these people, I always think about what an old college friend of mine used to say, "don't ever wish to be some one else because you have no clue what they hide behind the face they put to the world".

I think the only way you can say you blew it is if when you fell down, you didn't get back up. Don't feed into their immature, toxic behavior. Let it drive you to your own, personal success. No one will be able to take the pride you feel in coming so far on your weight loss journey.

So good on you for dusting yourself off, refocusing and giving your relationship with your brother some distance. Keep up the good work on you!

[Jen.M]

Thanks so much everyone! I feel so warm and fuzzy now, you guys are awesome. I definitely have gotten back on the plan 100% since I got home, as of this morning it looks like I might have already shed a pound or so of most likely water weight from the trip (whew!).

And yes, Phyllis - we're expected to contribute when we go to visit because they "always" host us (because they have a huge 5-bedroom house and I have a tiny 2 bedroom out in the sticks) and they "always" bear the brunt of the costs. Mind you, I don't even eat their food most of the time because I bring Jenny food, and I ALWAYS bring something with me - an appetizer, a dessert, pick up a meal on the way there, something. So yeah, that one just keeps grinding my gears. I know I shouldn't and I know I'm FAR better off without their negativity influencing me, it's just hard when you get such a concentrated dose like that, you know?

But between a couple of days away from them and the wonderful comments and advice from you guys, I'm doing a whole lot better, and I think I'm free of them until sometime in late March. Hooray! On to planning the hors d'oeuvres for my daughter's first school play in a couple of weeks, oh boy!

[Mysterya]

Glad to hear you are doing better. Sad to hear about such a negative influence. On a more positive note your brother/sister in law probably work very long hours and use their consumerism and bragging to make up for the guilt. So when you go home at 5PM (or at whatever time you or your spouse finish) just think...they are probably still at the office
From your pictures you look like a very positive and happy person who is holding her own already. Keep chugging along. And next time you're caught up in the moment stop for a moment and ask yourself if it's worth it to eat that extra treat. Good luck!

[Dshireman]

ah ha i am not the only one who faced the terrible turmoil of the holidays due to family. and i am glad that you are feeling much better now. on a similar tangent, why is it that when we do get to feeling well that the people around us can try to smite at that happiness? i mean like with me, I tend to make silly voices when I am happy, or sing alot to myself. now it is not like i go out in public and do these things, though i do think it would be fun if life was more of a musical than a moody literary artwork that is meant to reflect the darker qualities mixing around in all of us ... and who among us has not wanted to jump up and hold onto a light post in the rain and sing? come on, i dare you to deny it. but darn it when i am exercising and loosing weight and dreaming of my better life in the future, i think it is better to be willing to jump on that lamp post than it would be to be all moody and depressed and grumpy. those are the things that moved me into the massive over weight category that i am currently trying to vacate.

so put a song in your heart, a smile on your face and to heck with all those who want to drag you down or keep you over weight. they have no real power, so you are healthy lets hear you roar!

[Jen.M]

I think it's jealousy to some extent, particularly by unhappy people. If they're unhappy, they don't want you to be happy either! However, I have to say, I'm feeling really great this week. I financed a treadmill over the weekend and I've started doing some running to train for the 5K in April, and doing 2 miles a day on that thing is making me feel so good, not to mention the falling numbers I see on the scale since I started - I think I'm really, finally, back on track. I'm looking forward to my WI tomorrow!

[I Called Jenny]

Jen.M, on 18 January 2012 - 07:01 AM, said:

I think it's jealousy to some extent, particularly by unhappy people. If they're unhappy, they don't want you to be happy either! However, I have to say, I'm feeling really great this week. I financed a treadmill over the weekend and I've started doing some running to train for the 5K in April, and doing 2 miles a day on that thing is making me feel so good, not to mention the falling numbers I see on the scale since I started - I think I'm really, finally, back on track. I'm looking forward to my WI tomorrow!

You're doing soooooo great! Keep it up and let us know how the WI goes.

[Jen.M]

I Called Jenny, on 18 January 2012 - 07:22 AM, said:

You're doing soooooo great! Keep it up and let us know how the WI goes.

I LOST 1.8 POUNDS THIS WEEK!!! *doing a happy dance* I am absolutely thrilled. This is the third week in a row I've had a loss, which hasn't happened since about October or so, I think I am finally back on the Jenny train. 15 lbs to goal! WOOHOO!!! Thank you all again - so very, very much - for the support and advice while I've been trying to find my momentum again.

[nancy5012]

Way to go Jen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm doing the happy dance with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mindymdc]

YAY Jen, way to go!!!

[I Called Jenny]

Jen, that's sooooooo great!!!! I know you were struggling for several months on a plateau of sorts so that's fantastic news. Whoooo-hooooo!!!!!

[Susanjt]

Jen - way to go!!!