10 replies to this topic

[CynL]

I just needed to sound off, and figured this is a good space to do so. My MIL is in town again for four days. Every time she comes into town she wants to take us out to eat for every single meal. So I talk ahead of time with my husband about my new strategy. About half the time we go out to eat, my MIL ends up picking the same item as I do. She never finishes more than half. So my strategy is that we go to a restaurant where we can pick an item that we'll both like, and we'll split it. Simple, right? So when my MIL proposes going out for lunch on the first full day, for my husband's birthday, I tell her the whole strategy. She says, "Oh no, you need to have the whole thing, don't you think? You'll be hungry." I explain again about restaurant portions and that I'm trying to cut back, and that restaurants are an easy way to over eat, and how she never finishes hers anyway. At this point, my husband unhelpfully picks an option that I'm not very familiar with. He's sure there'll be salads on the menu. Well, I don't know about dinners, but there were no salad entrees on the lunch menu. And they serve a basket of extremely buttery rolls while we're waiting. My MIL was considering an unhealthy sort of sandwich, but it's still lighter than a lot of the options on the menu, and I ask her if she'd like to split it. No, she says, she doesn't want to do that -- she's sure she'll finish the whole thing. So I switch to an item that's flatbread with a salad. The flatbread is covered in cheese, and I know I'll have trouble not finishing all of it, but honestly it's one of the healthiest things I can find on the menu. My MIL switches at the last minute and orders the same thing. I manage to talk my husband and daughter into each eating 1/8 of mine, so I only eat 3/4. And, of course, she doesn't finish all of hers. She eats only half of her flatbread. That's bad enough, since I specifically asked her to split with me. But she proceeds to ask me, and I'm not exaggerating, at least six times to finish hers, as well. She keeps pushing and pushing it at me asking me to finish it.

Am I wrong to say this is deliberate sabotage? My husband, of course, doesn't think so. I'm so angry about her behavior.

[DebbieRP]

Probably her personality, it sounds like. My Ex Husband used to do it to me all the time. I would get so angry but realized it was just how he was.
Glad you came here to sound off. You are doing great!

[Blessed4Life2]

Yep, I agree with Deb......it sounds like its just how she is programmed. She probably means no harm....

[Pattylynne]

Hi CynL

Sorry to hear about the MIL problems. How old is your MIL? Did she grow up during the depression? My own Mother was a product of the depression and finishing everything on your plate was high on her list of priorities. Also we were raised on a military salary so food wasn't allowed to go to waste. Perhaps that is what is driving your MIL. Is your MIL staying with you during her visit? If that is the case maybe she feels that she should pick up the tab for the meals.

Now what you can do is stand firm with your MIL. Have you explained to her that you are eating the JC food with the intent of losing weight? Or will she come back with the reply "you don't need to lose weight"?

Ok seriously you need to stand up for yourself and come up with a plan of action. If she insists on taking you out try different strategies. First off you can make requests of the restaurant about how you want your food. In the case of this past lunch don't have them bring out the flatbread. Take just the salad. Keep the rolls far away from you. Request a carry out box right at the start of the meal and when the food arrives out your table take out the portion that you will take home. Order off the kids menu. Order an appetizer instead of a meal. Also check with your JC consultant for other eating out strategies.

In other words stand up for yourself and eat only what you want and not what others dictate to you. You can do this because this is not a diet but a life style change

[Blessed4Life2]

In other words stand up for yourself and eat only what you want and not what others dictate to you. You can do this because this is not a diet but a life style change

Absolutely agree!

[theatreguy]

hello! i totally understand... i think we all have folks in our lives who love us but still (unconsciously?) try to sabotage us.

i've learned one thing on Jenny Craig: of all the things we can't control in life, the one thing we CAN control is what we pick up with our hands and put into our mouthes. it's kind of an amazing power when you think about it. no one can force us to eat anything. ;-)

i've tried to remember that over the last year and have lost 80 pounds (and am at goal). and many times i've ordered something other than what others want me to order, i've eaten 1/2 of a meal when others encouraged me to finish it. and i've never allowed myself to think that someone else forced me to eat anything. it's simply not true.

best of luck to you! bill

[robrob]

I agree, You decide what you are going to eat, no one else. When you order the sandwich and salad, eat the salad, and cut the sandwich in half, thirds if it is that big, and immediately put it in a box to take home.
Someone will eat it at home later, or throw it out,she paid for it, not you. I haven't been to a restaurant yet that I can't find something suitable to eat , even the Cheesecake Factory. It takes willpower, and nothing gives me more than my MIL.

[CynL]

I'm not blaming her for my choice of what I pick, or for the rolls, or for anything I put in my mouth. That's not the point. But she knows I'm doing JC, and it's obvious to the entire world I need to lose weight. What is making me so angry is, after I've told her that I only wanted to have half, and I proceeded to share mine to not eat the whole thing, for her to keep pushing and keep pushing for me to finish hers. And she didn't ask any one else at the table to finish hers -- just me. That's often the case, too, that she'll ask me first to finish hers, and then sometimes she'll turn to my husband after badgering me with her food for several attempts. This time she didn't even try him, just kept pushing it at me, repeatedly. To do that so repeatedly after I've told her in advance how much I want to try to control what I eat at this meal out? That's why I'm calling it deliberate sabotage.

[CynL]

Oh, and at the next meal out, I picked the restaurant to one where I know calorie amounts are on the menu (our local Olive Garden, believe it or not), and I ordered a half portion, stayed away from the bread sticks, and got their light salad dressing and on the side for my salad and did the dipping my fork in it thing instead of pouring it over. It was a good success. Amazingly the MIL seemed to eat all of hers, and didn't push it at me. First time ever, I kid you not.

[lucky1girltoo]

I get the Cappelini pomodoro. Its one of those healthy options. I even ordered the lunch portion at dinner time...and they charged me the lunch price.

But those darm breadsticks...oh my. You know why they are named as they are? Because the Bread...Sticks...to you thighs, butt and belly.

sue

[Patrica1312418231]

I've been on the weighloss rollercoaster for what seems like forever. I am now back on JC trying to get my weight back under control. My family eats out quite a bit, so one of the things that I started doing is taking my JC meals with me. For breakfast, I'll order fresh fruit. For lunch or dinner, I'll order a salad with no croutons, and use my JC dressing. Every restaurant we have been to, Denny's, Chilis, Village Inn, Dions Pizza and many locals as well have been more than helpful in microwaving my meals. It does not matter whether it is breakfast, lunch or dinner at the places we have visited. I politely inform the server that I am on JC and would appreciate their assistance helping me reach my goal. We give them an extra nice tip since really they are losing on a sale for the meal. Maybe try that the next time MIL is in town.. Let her see your delicious food and want to share with YOU! ) Good luck!!