weight as protection.
Posted 10 April 2011 - 06:48 AM
Posted 10 April 2011 - 10:26 AM
I know exactly what you mean. I have also worn this weight as a means of protection. I don't know if I'm over it or how to get over it. But remember that you have taken a step by joining JC or even just joining the forum. Being self aware is such a huge part of making a change.
We are on this journey for ourselves not for someone else to validate or invalidate us.
You are inspiring for even starting this thread. I think that there are many people that do this, but not many realize it.
Keep going, girl!!! We are worth the effort and deserve the results. And you are definitely not alone!!!
Week 1 (12/27/2010) -5.2
Week 2 (1/3/2011) -1.8
Week 3 (1/10/2011) -2.1
Week 4 (1/17/2011) -1.8
Week 5 (1/24/2011) -0.3 6.5 inches lost
Week 6 (1/31/2011) -1.1
Week 7 (2/7/2011) -1.5
Week 8 (2/15/2011) -2.4
Week 9 (2/21/2011) -1.2 another 6.5 inches lost
Week 10 (2/28/2011) -0.0 ( Huh???)
Week 11 (3/7/2011) -1.4
Week 12 (3/14/2011) -1.0
Week 13 (3/21/2011) +0.7 (so sad )
Week 14 (3/28/2011) -2.9
Week 16 (4/8/2011) +0.9 ( no excuses)
Week 17 (4/14/2011) -3.2
Week 18 (4/21/2011) -1.4
Week 19 (4/28/2011) -0.4
Week 20 (5/6/2011) -1.8
Week 21 (5/13/2011) -1.4
Week 22 (5/20/2011) -0.1 (no idea!!)
Posted 10 April 2011 - 10:53 AM
I'm no psychologist, but from my experiences with past clients who have struggled with the same challenges I have found that often times facing that pain that you experienced in the past can be therapeutic and help you move on. It might seem like a "movie" answer , but many of my clients found that the weight is a coping mechanism put in place because they felt, at some level, something about who they were was to blame for the hurt they felt in the past. As such it became important for them to take another look at who they were and see the value in themselves and their healthy changes. Pile on those positive validations! You deserve to not only be at a healthy weight that makes you happy but if you desire to even find someone to be with that will make you happy in the future! I figure you making all these healthy changes to your lifestyle to help achieve health and happiness right? Why not take it a step further and take the time to challenge this old pain that is holding you back?
I know that I have no idea what your past relationships involved and what your particular situation was, but I do hope this this helps you gain some sort of positive perspective on your situation! Just keep reminding yourself that you are worth it!
Posted 23 April 2011 - 07:26 PM
Posted 24 April 2011 - 02:32 AM
Posted 30 April 2011 - 12:18 PM
Posted 30 April 2011 - 12:28 PM
Posted 23 May 2011 - 07:17 PM
Posted 13 April 2012 - 09:48 AM
start date: March 12, 2012
Posted 13 April 2012 - 10:43 AM
We got to the club and my friend knew the guy my DH was sitting with and she pulled up a chair to talk to him so I was "stuck" talking to his friend and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
He didn't seem to notice that I looked a wreck and since I wasn't in the "being picked up mood" I dropped my guard in a sense and talked to him - not as a potential boyfriend but just as a person - and soon we clicked.
When I got home that night and my mother (who was stunned at the way I looked when I left the house) asked me about my evening and I told her that I met someone and that he was...different. And he was and is.
By the time we had our first date about a week later, I'd dropped about 5 lbs. and due to a series of (now) funny circumstances (all unintentionally MY fault), we had a date that could have been a disaster but he took it with good humor and that made me like him even more.
I guess the bottom line is that when you do meet someone who is special and who sees "you" and not the facade of fat or any other physical attributes that we use to say "stay away," then you will have found a great guy.
Yes, we've all had heartaches and dated the wrong guys but if we learn from those experiences, then we can use the lessons we learned from "Mr. Right Now" (or Mr. Wrong) to help us know when we've found "Mr. Right."
SW - 177.6
Goal! - 132
Returning Weight - 143
CW - GOAL AGAIN!!!
Before JC with hubby and nephews in 2006/After JC (2nd time) in 2011
Posted 16 April 2012 - 05:04 AM
I too have used weight as a form of protection. As a child I was obese and was bullied by boys concerning my weight and it drove me deep inside so I have been in hiding most of my life. Losing weight didn't "fix" me and I've been working on my inner self so that I can fully participate in the world. Its been a slow process and to some extent the Jenny Craig program has helped but I've branched out into other places to find more emotional and spiritual support.
When I lost my job in October 2001, I sought out the help of a job coach and she suggested the books of Susan Jeffers and specifically the book titled "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". The book really helped me see life in a different perspective and it gave me the push to move out of my own self imposed limitations. Now I am not fearless by any means but I am no longer the terrified self lothing wimp I once was. Check out Susan Jeffers webstite www.susanjeffers.com for other titles and especially her take on affirmations.
Also another thing to consider is that losing weight takes energy and time. Perhaps when you were working you didn't have the time but now you do with the upcoming retirement. Please remember that you have many great years ahead of you and good for you that you are investing time and energy in your self. Who knows the man of your dreams could be right around the corner but don't wait for him to show up. Live each day as a gift and cherish all of the moments.
Take care and good luck with your weight loss journey!
I can't control the outcome of the "game" but I can control how I work in preparation for the "game"
"It is not the mountains we conquer but ourselves"
I may be imperfect but I love and accept myself as I push towards my goal of good health!
Goal weight 125
wgt @ 07/21/12 132.8
Wgt @ 03/05/2013 127.8 Yea...New plan is working great!!!
Wgt @ 03/16/2013 125.4 Almost there!
Wgt @ 05/06/2013 126.8 Still getting back into groove from Easter
Wgt @ 06/07/2013 124.3 Yea...Now for Consistency!!
Posted 05 May 2012 - 11:29 AM
The only thing I would add is that sometimes the "armor" is the easy way to deflect unwanted attention, but it's not the best way or the only way. When we give up our armor it can mean that we need to learn a new skill, or skills, namely setting clear boundaries and maintaining them in an assertive way.
We cannot control other people and how they respond to us (i.e. attraction or attention), but we can control our responses. If the way someone responds to you makes you feel uncomfortable then they are probably crossing a personal boundary for you, whether you've consciously defined that boundary or not. That icky feeling is a sign that a person is crossing that line and the hard part is knowing what to do about it.
Sometimes our response is to simply ignore, and that might be enough to make it stop. But if that doesn't work then it might mean having a polite but awkward conversation where you say something like "I'm flattered but not interested, thank you." And if you've done them the kindness of being polite and assertive in a way that is clear but spares their feelings and they still don't respect your boundaries, then the person has earned an unequivocal and firm "No."
Those conversations are really hard to have! I don't like to hurt someone's feelings and I certainly don't want people to think of me as a "b*****." Which is why for years I chose to wear my armor and simply not have to deal with it. But, as someone earlier pointed out, often what we think makes us unattractive is actually not a deterrent for a lot of men. So it turns out that the strategy is not effective at achieving our goals anyway. All it does is make us feel unattractive on the inside.
With time and practice and a few embarrassing moments I've been getting better at setting my own boundaries and protecting them with assertiveness skills. This might not be something that everyone needs to learn... but you can decide for yourself if a lack of assertiveness is part of what makes you want to wear your armor.
Posted 27 April 2013 - 12:10 PM
I met the man of my dreams whom I have been with for almost nine years, who treats me like a Queen for the past nine years as well. I wasn't used to a guy treating me so good, so I kind of just let myself go and get bigger if that makes sense. Now I am losing weight, forgiving the past, and realizing this was always about life choices.
Life choices to not stay in an abusive relationship, to walk away,
Life choices to love myself enough to accept that my current boyfriend whom I love dearly, see's beauty in me.
Life Choices to know nothing was ever my fault with my ex
Life Choices to let go of the past and move on and forgive and heal, to know fat doesn't keep me secure, it keeps me sheltered from a beautiful world outside!
Posted 27 April 2013 - 01:05 PM
Total Loss 85.2 Prior to pregnancy in 2013
My Weight Loss/Life Journey Blog: http://jessicafaiza.blogspot.com
Start weight Sept. 2012: 271.4 lbs
Weight prior to pregnancy 2014: 187.2
Jessica "Faiza" Yagi
Posted 27 April 2013 - 02:00 PM
Your reason for not wanting to lose it is why I gained it in the first place. I was raped. I didn't want to be attractive. I wanted to be the person that faded away in a room, the one that nobody looked twice at. Then every time I tried to lose it after, I entered self sabotage mode to prevent it from happening. It was my protection.
The only way I have been able to overcome most of it, because I still have moments of absolute terror, was to tackle it head on. This journey has been more than just weight loss for me. I finally decided I didn't want to continue being my rapists victim. I was his victim for only 8 minutes, at yet I let it continue for almost 20 years. I deserved better. So now I face all my fears head on, and that includes ditching that layer of protection.
With Jenny, I've got GAME! Guidance, Accountability, Motivation and Education.
"It is difficult to inspire others to accomplish what you haven't been willing to try. So now, I try."
Started Jenny Craig on June 1, 2012
Posted 27 April 2013 - 07:43 PM
SW - 177.6
Goal! - 132
Returning Weight - 143
CW - GOAL AGAIN!!!
Before JC with hubby and nephews in 2006/After JC (2nd time) in 2011
Posted 04 May 2013 - 02:27 PM
For me the weight is not a protector to avoid relationships, but it is a protector of my heart. I gained weight during my first pregnancy, 96 pounds. Sadly a week before my due date I welcomed my silent stillborn son. The weight represents the depth of pain and grief for such an unimaginable loss. Losing weight often feels like a betrayal to my son, as if it will erase his existence. It has taken me nearly ten years, but I have worked through much of my grief. I am certainly not "over it". Grief and loss is a lifelong journey with twists and turns. Rather, I have accepted the loss, and learned to live simultaneously with joy and sorrow, love and longing, gratitude and wistfulness. Losing the weight no longer feels like a betrayal to my son, but the journey has just begun and I am sure many emotions will surface along the way.
Thanks for posting the topic. Keep the dialogue flowing.
Lived outside the USA with no Jenny Craig center, all meals on my own along with personal strength training and walking daily for exercise.
January 30th, 2013: Starting Weight 208.8
June 4th, 2013: 183.6
Returned to USA, gained weight and went offtrack...but came back to JC.
August 19th, 2013: Starting Weight 197.2
Current Weight (September 9th, 2013): 191.6
Goal Weight: 135
Posted 14 June 2013 - 04:28 PM
Going back to BarbaraB's question regarding how to get past it, I found that sometimes it helps to look at the whole process differently. I used to get on the scale every day (which I have to do because I can change quickly) and say "Oh, gee, I didn't lose any weight today." or "I gained 2 lbs!". I FAILED.
Now, I put a figurative stick in the sand. Right now, I'm waffling between 262 & 270, so 270 is where the stick is. Every morning that I can get on the scale and be under 270 is a win! Instead of starting the day with negativespeak, I'm starting the day with something positive. I can go out into the world that day feeling good about myself.
If I lose more weight, then I increase the buffer between myself and the stick, making it less likely that I'm going to jump over the stick. The bigger the buffer, the more I win again! Depending on how the weight loss goes, I periodically lower the stick. I feel so strongly that positive feelings are necessary to my success, so I developed this way of trying to give myself that boost. Who can succeed at weight loss if you feel bad all the time. The positive attitude then can work its way into other parts of my day/life, and that starts to change everything.
My way may not work for everyone, but I encourage you to find a way to visualize yourself winning as often as possible. Believe you can win and success will find you.
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