4 replies to this topic

[caper_dj]

While searching for long lost friends on Facebook today, I couldn't help but notice that a lot of them have profile pictures of their children or themselves with their partner.

All their smiling faces got me to thinking. I have spent the majority of my life cloaked in a security blanket of fat. While my friends moved on and started families, I hid from the world in plain view.

Granted, I know there is no such thing as perfection, and some of those photos probably don't even come close to the actuality of their lives, but it forced me to realize that I haven't achieved the goals I had hoped for when I turned 20 ten years ago. I had thought that by the time I turned 30, I'd have a family, a career, a home...the dream everyone else has basically.

Yes, I have a career (which took forever to achieve), but now I'm starting to realize what I've done to myself without realizing.

To be bluntly honest, I was bullied in school, I had a traumatic childhood, and I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. All this caused me to shut down. And with a combination of depression/anxiety, the weight piled on. And I KNOW it was to keep men away. I often told myself "men can't hurt me if they don't want me". I deliberately kept myself overweight to avoid pain (and ended up in pain anyways!). Dumb, huh?

I know the struggles we have in life are to make us stronger, but I can't seem to fight the nagging feeling that I wasted my life for ten years, hiding from my own fear.

Now that I'm losing weight, it feels like I have a lot of catching up to do. I am no longer afraid, I have more confidence in myself than I ever had before. I know I have plenty of time to move on and I am focused on the future, it's just that those years are gone and I can't get them back. And I did it to myself. I am truly a late bloomer!

Has anyone else felt this way? Have you hidden behind your fat for protection? Has it ever held you back from reaching your goals?

[reddyrawks]

While searching for long lost friends on Facebook today, I couldn't help but notice that a lot of them have profile pictures of their children or themselves with their partner.

All their smiling faces got me to thinking. I have spent the majority of my life cloaked in a security blanket of fat. While my friends moved on and started families, I hid from the world in plain view.

Granted, I know there is no such thing as perfection, and some of those photos probably don't even come close to the actuality of their lives, but it forced me to realize that I haven't achieved the goals I had hoped for when I turned 20 ten years ago. I had thought that by the time I turned 30, I'd have a family, a career, a home...the dream everyone else has basically.

Yes, I have a career (which took forever to achieve), but now I'm starting to realize what I've done to myself without realizing.

To be bluntly honest, I was bullied in school, I had a traumatic childhood, and I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. All this caused me to shut down. And with a combination of depression/anxiety, the weight piled on. And I KNOW it was to keep men away. I often told myself "men can't hurt me if they don't want me". I deliberately kept myself overweight to avoid pain (and ended up in pain anyways!). Dumb, huh?

I know the struggles we have in life are to make us stronger, but I can't seem to fight the nagging feeling that I wasted my life for ten years, hiding from my own fear.

Now that I'm losing weight, it feels like I have a lot of catching up to do. I am no longer afraid, I have more confidence in myself than I ever had before. I know I have plenty of time to move on and I am focused on the future, it's just that those years are gone and I can't get them back. And I did it to myself. I am truly a late bloomer!

Has anyone else felt this way? Have you hidden behind your fat for protection? Has it ever held you back from reaching your goals?

The kids picked on me also when I was in school. They see me now and they don't do it. Probably because I look better than them In another words don't let those school bullies define who you are. You are just as good as they are, if not better...because you don't go around intentionally hurting people!! So you just keep to your goals, get back in shape and show the world how wonderful you are!!

[caper_dj]

I'm have no doubt that you look better than they do Your weight loss is amazing! Inspirational!

I now see this whole issue as an epiphany. They never once cared about how I felt, so I was mad, thinking hating them was the answer. But it does nothing except cause pain to myself (hit the wrong target). So they get to move on and have happy lives? Well, it's time for me to do the same and let it go.

I have been overweight since I was a young teenager, so those people have never seen me thin. Heck, I've never seen me thin! So letting go of all the anger and sadness can only open the gates for happiness and finally living a healthy life.

I am excited about joining the dating scene again. Yeah, it would be nice to find someone now who will love me for who I am now at this weight. But I think it is better that I am at my best before I get involved with someone. And letting go of the hurt is one step towards being a better me.

[harris241]

to the person who posted their experience about being almost 30 and feeling as though they missed out, Iam currently going through the exact same things! I will be 27 soon and while everyone from my highschool is on facebook with happy photos of themselves with a family/house etc I feel as though I have nothing
sometimes i think that it is all my fault because instead of focusing on relationships with others where I had the potential to be hurt if the person no longer loved me or wanted me, I focused instead on food to prevent myself from any further rejection or heartbreak....

each day im closer to 30 and only have myself. I have even lost the desire to meet anyone for fear that I will never be happy anyway even if I do find the perfect man.

3 years ago I met the most attractive man I had ever seen....I was "in love", we even talked of marriage... months later he began flirting with other women in front of me, looking at thinner more attractive women and not just one, but many of them....

I was in so much emotional pain that I could barely talk. I became quiet, withdrawn and hated myself inside and out, he was not only the most physically stunning looking person but the most abusive and hateful person inside. He abandoned me when I lost 3 loved ones to illnesses. I ate until I reached 221 lbs and at 5'3 my body was being destroyed inside and out. I was in a very bad state of mind until I finally decided around christmas time to join jenny craig. While I only lost 14 lbs I gained the confidence so far to
forget about him and everything he represented ! around january I receive an email from "him" and I felt so
in control when I turned everything around and completely ignored this evil creature who comes crawling back. I had been through 3 very traumatic losses and it still amazes me how selfish a person can be.

I want you to realize one thing, please do not feel bad if you see these "seemingly happy" looking families,
they will fight, and have bad days just like everyone else...having kids probably doesnt ADD any joy to those fights or bad days, having kids probably just adds more stress and why put a child through all of that anyway. you will lose the weight, its ok to be abit selfish when it comes to taking care of yourself and yes eventually you will be dating and meeting new people, just take everything slow and be careful who you date..my advice is that guys in their 50s are more mature and ready to settle down! go on dates with them for "experience" ; just someone to practice your conversational skills with so that when you meet a guy you like seeing you will be ready and have had an idea of what you can talk about. I really do wish you the best, I would not have spent this much time responding but your post really related to everything that is going on in my life and it was good to know that im not alone and it isnt my fault that im a late bloomer too.... email me anytime at :
harris241@live.com. Id love to hear how things work out for you

- christine

[Linwalker]

When you go back to your HS reunion, you will leave smiling. I'll tell you why. I too was picked on but JUST in freshman year because i was so "short" I looked like i belonged maybe in 6th or 7thg grade. Well what they had not anticipated was my strength and confidence. For me it only took standing up for myself and before long no one bothered me at all, but it didn't just go away for me. I just kept on resenting those idiots I went to school with and really only made a few close friends. In 95 I went to my 10th year reunion.. that was enough for me to realize those 4 years for me were NOT the best years of my life like my mother had said. So what I stood up for myself, that didn't magically make these people HUMAN? they just went on to bully other's and I was yesterday's news. At my 10th reunion, some were in jail, some were on their 3rd marriages, some were HUGE, some were bald and some were still the JERKS they were when they were in HS! Let me tell you, I sure as **** didn't want to go to another reunion and it had nothing to do with my weight at time ( I was like 110 lbs soaking wet).. UNTIL I talked to a friend of mine who HAD always been overweight her whole life.. She had joined a gym a few years back and it was a couple of years since we seen each other, but when we got together, WOW she was totally transformed. I told her there was NO way she was NOT going to that reunion. We went and bought dresses, and let me tell you..she was completely empowered when she left there. Sure nothing changed with the jerks we went to school with and frankly they may never change, but the point is.. there will be more reunions, there will be chances for you to put up some great pics of your journey and that is so empowering!! It's all about vision.. and how you Vision you. Those people that made fun of you..they were empty and shallow and misery loves company. My guess is that if they never changed, they are even MORE empty and if they DID change then they will see you for the person you were inside and feel horrible for acting the way they did.

Sometimes letting go means first confronting what it is your letting go so that you can move forward. I can't tell you what to do nor can anyone really, what is it you want to do? You can choose to just go forward and never look back, or you can look back and give them the old "IN YOUR FACE" attitude I always chose the latter because you just never know when you might get through to someone. Today's bullied victims depend on yesterday's victim's to stand up and rise above and despite it. JMO