17 replies to this topic

[TannisC]

I am really struggling with trying to cope my everything in my life right now. Without getting into huge details, I feel like my marriage is falling apart, my son (4 years old) is such a huge challenge right now, family illness, work driving me crazy, and just feeling really down and depressed. I am feeling so overwhelmed right now. I can't even begin to explain and am typing through tears. I just want to know how do you cope when you don't have food??? I am so used to coping with food. I feel like I have lost my friend. Is that crazy?? I just feel lost and scared and so very alone right now. I am just trying to take it a day at a time, but am finding it getting harder and harder.... Anyone else having this problem? Thanks for listening...

[msro]

With all that is going on in your life, trying to stay on an eating plan should be the last thing you think about! I have been where you are and, take it or leave it, here is what I'd advise: Get in touch with your primary physician and get a complete physical. This will rule out any physiological problems that may be going on. Next, ask your physician for a referral to a good counselor so you can get some help with what is going on in your life.
For your own sake and the sake of your precious child, you need to be selfish right now and take care of yourself. You can do this.

"In the midst of winter I found there was in me an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus

[valerie0118]

When life is falling apart for me I use exercise.....not heavy exercise but a walk in the fresh air, or stick a DVD in and do 30 minutes then take a shower and get moving. I was in an unhappy marriage, no physical abuse but some verbal and never a compliment for 22 years. We had good times but when the bad times hit it was very bad. The first time we "took a break" I completely fell apart and needed to go and get a sleep aid and an anti-depressant in order to keep going to work each day and be functional. Then I went to a social worker and discovered that I had let him pull me down into his depression. I learned that I needed to take care of myself and look inside for happiness. After a year of therapy I didn't need the drugs and was weaned off of them. Then two years ago, he said he was moving out for another "break" and I helped him pack. He was in another depression and wouldn't listen to me about anything. I cried and moved forward.....started to exercise again and wouldn't let myself blame me for what happened. I have moved forward and although finances are tough, life goes on and I'm happy. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be any happier even though he remarried last summer. That is no longer something I need to concern myself with though.

Take care of yourself! As the previous person suggested, if you can afford counselling then go for it. I found a wonderful woman social worker that was a great listener and after a year of seeing her I knew a new peace. When life is rough we need to hug ourselves and tell ourselves that we are good people and worth some pampering.

You and your child are in my prayers.....

Valerie

[Butterfly7]

Tannis,

Man, do I ever understand where you're coming from. Sometimes it seems like life comes at me full force from all directions that matter to me most...my hubbie and my sweet, precious children. Then add pressure from work and throw in some sickness, and well.....it's overwhelming and not a pretty situation.

I relate to feeling like I've lost a friend in food. If my DH and I had an argument, or I felt lonely, I'd have something chocolate. If my kids were being difficult, I'd treat myself to Mcdonalds.

I have found that with taking those comfort foods away, I have to replace them with something else. I have to retrain my thinking and my emotions....so, I've started scrapbooking. Taking time to look at family pictures and organizing them creatively is therapy for me. Exercise helps, too. I know it sounds cliche', but it really does take stress off and help me think more clearly.

Take care of yourself. Try and reach out and ask someone to watch your sweet son for a while. Just taking a time out and getting a breather will help you get your perspective back. Also, I"ve found that often DH needs time to digest issues before he is ready to talk more deeply about them....I hopes this helps a little bit.

I'm with Valerie, you are also in MY prayers,

Tracey

[Skeletonfruitcake]

Pray for the strength to endure these trying times. Pray for peace in your heart. Pray for the Lord to lift you out of the spot you are in, and to guide you in the path He has chosen for you. You are being tested. You must find the strength within yourself to forge onward though the stumbling blocks placed in front of you. Nothing good comes without hard work.

I am adding you to my prayer list. I pray the the Lord will reveal to you His plan for your life, and that with His direction, and the support from friends and family, you will have the strength and courage to take control of your life, and continue with this amazing life-changing journey to find the inner-you.

"A woman is like a tea bag.....she gets stronger when she's in hot water".

[Irys24]

I am currently going through a divorce, a move, a job change, etc. so I know how hard life can be. But if you're religious then please pray. No suffering is without purpose, so surrender all of your sadness and anxiety to the Lord. Here's one of my favorite prayers lately for this:

Lord, help me to remember when it seems to me as though things are going wrong, they may not be wrong at all. It may be that you are allowing these things to happen in order to bring me to a place of total dependence on You so that Your purposes can be accomplished in my life. I trust that You have a purpose for every storm in my life, and when I pray and trust in You, You will deliver me out of it.

[TannisC]

Wow!! Thank you all so much for your wonderful words of support. They truly touched my heart! I am so proud of myself that I got through yesterday without going off the plan once! I did not cheat...which was really difficult with all of the candy my son brought home from preschool yesterday! I also had a good talk with my consultant yesterday. I realize I need to replace my food with something else...a hobby or something else that makes me happy. I need to not be afraid to ask for help. I also had a long talk with my husband last night, and I think we are on our way to resolving things. I think I just hit rock bottom yesterday, and am now ready to stand up again and conquor this! Your prayers really did help!!!! I feel like someone is holding my hand today, and I am not alone anymore. THANK YOU so much!! I have hope again, and know that I can do this.

[ReneeS]

I can relate, not with the specifics but the feelings you talked about. My work is so overwhelming (I work in Mental health feild), my mom has been in the hospital for almost 2 months, and on and on and on.......... Just know that you can get through it. I am just starting to explore this etools thing and am realizing that there is a huge support world out there to help when life is in full session. For me, sometimes I clean or sort through old stuff. There is something clensing about throwing out a bunch of my junk. I also watch mindless television or take a bath just to have time for me. hang in there!

[EllenWheels]

TannisC, when things start to overwhelm me, I turn to exercise and meditation to get me centered again. The exercise lifts my spirits, and the meditation calms me down.

When I am going through stressful times, I turn the food part of my life over to Jenny Craig. I go back on the planned menu, and simply follow instructions--that way, food is just one less thing I have to think about.

Another good practice is to stop yourself every time negative thoughts start to move in. Just stop yourself and turn the thought to something positive. If you start thinking, "If this doesn't work out and I get a divorce I don't think I can deal with being a single mom," turn it to, "If this doesn't work out, there is sure to be something better waiting for me and my child, so I need to be open to it."

Make a list of things you could be doing instead of eating. When the urge to eat strikes, do a couple of items on the list.

Last, be good to yourself, because it doesn't sound like anyone else is going to do that for you right now. Take at least an hour for yourself a day, even if you have to break it up. During that time, do something you enjoy, whether it is reading, watching a favorite show, doing your nails, a hobby, or whatever. It just has to be something that makes you feel good and lifts your spirits a little.

[valerie0118]

Wow!! Thank you all so much for your wonderful words of support. They truly touched my heart! I am so proud of myself that I got through yesterday without going off the plan once! I did not cheat...which was really difficult with all of the candy my son brought home from preschool yesterday! I also had a good talk with my consultant yesterday. I realize I need to replace my food with something else...a hobby or something else that makes me happy. I need to not be afraid to ask for help. I also had a long talk with my husband last night, and I think we are on our way to resolving things. I think I just hit rock bottom yesterday, and am now ready to stand up again and conquor this! Your prayers really did help!!!! I feel like someone is holding my hand today, and I am not alone anymore. THANK YOU so much!! I have hope again, and know that I can do this.

Tannis, We are here for you. I'm glad you have gained the strength to cope and try to resolve these issues that are so overwhelming. We all feel this way at one time or another but it takes a bit of effort to take a deep breath, send up a prayer for strength, and move forward. It will be great if you can resolve things with your hubby! I still think that as a nation we give up on marriage too easily these days. I always swore that I didn't believe in divorce. I divorced when I realized that I had given my all (for over 22 yrs) and it wasn't working. I was wearing myself down and he wasn't making the effort but again looking to another to make him happy. I worked on keeping my marriage together but knew when it was time to move on. I am happy and moving forward with my life and loving life AGAIN! I believe in marriage as long as the two people involved are committed equally to the sacrament. God bless you and be with you while the two of you work things out.

I cross-stitch while watching TV. This helps me keep my hands busy doing something that doesn't add calories to my life. I pick a difficult project and work on it for months. My worst times are when my BF decides to snack while we are watching TV. I want some too! Then I think about it and pick up the cross-stitch. Doesn't work for everything but it certainly helps.

You will remain in my prayers......hope things are still going well.

[julesc]

When life is falling apart for me I use exercise.....not heavy exercise but a walk in the fresh air, or stick a DVD in and do 30 minutes then take a shower and get moving. I was in an unhappy marriage, no physical abuse but some verbal and never a compliment for 22 years. We had good times but when the bad times hit it was very bad. The first time we "took a break" I completely fell apart and needed to go and get a sleep aid and an anti-depressant in order to keep going to work each day and be functional. Then I went to a social worker and discovered that I had let him pull me down into his depression. I learned that I needed to take care of myself and look inside for happiness. After a year of therapy I didn't need the drugs and was weaned off of them. Then two years ago, he said he was moving out for another "break" and I helped him pack. He was in another depression and wouldn't listen to me about anything. I cried and moved forward.....started to exercise again and wouldn't let myself blame me for what happened. I have moved forward and although finances are tough, life goes on and I'm happy. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be any happier even though he remarried last summer. That is no longer something I need to concern myself with though.

Take care of yourself! As the previous person suggested, if you can afford counselling then go for it. I found a wonderful woman social worker that was a great listener and after a year of seeing her I knew a new peace. When life is rough we need to hug ourselves and tell ourselves that we are good people and worth some pampering.

You and your child are in my prayers.....

Valerie

[julesc]

When life is falling apart for me I use exercise.....not heavy exercise but a walk in the fresh air, or stick a DVD in and do 30 minutes then take a shower and get moving. I was in an unhappy marriage, no physical abuse but some verbal and never a compliment for 22 years. We had good times but when the bad times hit it was very bad. The first time we "took a break" I completely fell apart and needed to go and get a sleep aid and an anti-depressant in order to keep going to work each day and be functional. Then I went to a social worker and discovered that I had let him pull me down into his depression. I learned that I needed to take care of myself and look inside for happiness. After a year of therapy I didn't need the drugs and was weaned off of them. Then two years ago, he said he was moving out for another "break" and I helped him pack. He was in another depression and wouldn't listen to me about anything. I cried and moved forward.....started to exercise again and wouldn't let myself blame me for what happened. I have moved forward and although finances are tough, life goes on and I'm happy. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be any happier even though he remarried last summer. That is no longer something I need to concern myself with though.

Take care of yourself! As the previous person suggested, if you can afford counselling then go for it. I found a wonderful woman social worker that was a great listener and after a year of seeing her I knew a new peace. When life is rough we need to hug ourselves and tell ourselves that we are good people and worth some pampering.

You and your child are in my prayers.....

Valerie

[WaltSentMe007]

Wow I really feel for you. When it rains, it pours huh? The way I've been coping without food is by talking to my Mom. She is a nurse and her specialty is psychiatry so she generally has some good medical facts about what is going on chemically in my brain. I'm a big believer in counseling. I used to go to psychiatrists who would over medicate me but when I finally started talking about what was bothering me, I was able to move past it. Now I don't take any meds at all and I've been fine for years. Talking really helps so you've taken step 1. Opening up to strangers on the internet can be very therapeutic. How many hundreds of people read these boards and are going through the exact same thing? I love technology

[CaliforBetty]

I also am having a tough time right now. I have been up for a while but now I have crashed and have been for about a week now. I have MS and that can be depressing in itself, but I have been trying Jenny for about a month now. I had been losing but now it seems like my weight is going back up. I am eating all the food but yet my weight doesn't want to be stable or continue on the losing part. It is hard to be happy when all I think about is the diet and how the weight loss is reversing.

I do have several things also happening. We will flying to see my daughter for Thanksgiving and my oldest son just recently moved there too. You would think that this would be a happy time for me but I am just worried about the dinner and dessert that will be available. How do I just eat a small amount when there will be so much.

I then will have surgery on my foot the beginning of December so my walking will be very limited. This will mean that the exercise will be so limited that the calories will take that much longer to come off.

I will then make the trip to my other son in Maryland for Christmas. I will have the same issues - trying to get around and eating the correct things so I don't mess up all together.

My husband is working to retire next year and wants to move and is expecting me to coordinate the move. This move is happening so fast and I am just not ready. I just want things to slow down. Depression is constant but to talk to my husband about things, seems to "rock the boat". He is excited about the new plans and doesn't understand why I am not. What do I do? I am seeing a psychiatrist and I hope he can help but for now I am just floating along and not having a direction.

Betty

[I Called Jenny]

CaliforBetty, on 17 November 2011 - 11:26 AM, said:

I also am having a tough time right now. I have been up for a while but now I have crashed and have been for about a week now. I have MS and that can be depressing in itself, but I have been trying Jenny for about a month now. I had been losing but now it seems like my weight is going back up. I am eating all the food but yet my weight doesn't want to be stable or continue on the losing part. It is hard to be happy when all I think about is the diet and how the weight loss is reversing.

I do have several things also happening. We will flying to see my daughter for Thanksgiving and my oldest son just recently moved there too. You would think that this would be a happy time for me but I am just worried about the dinner and dessert that will be available. How do I just eat a small amount when there will be so much.

I then will have surgery on my foot the beginning of December so my walking will be very limited. This will mean that the exercise will be so limited that the calories will take that much longer to come off.

I will then make the trip to my other son in Maryland for Christmas. I will have the same issues - trying to get around and eating the correct things so I don't mess up all together.

My husband is working to retire next year and wants to move and is expecting me to coordinate the move. This move is happening so fast and I am just not ready. I just want things to slow down. Depression is constant but to talk to my husband about things, seems to "rock the boat". He is excited about the new plans and doesn't understand why I am not. What do I do? I am seeing a psychiatrist and I hope he can help but for now I am just floating along and not having a direction.

Betty

Betty, you poor thing! Your plate is certainly FULL!

OK, let's try to tackle this one thing at a time.

First, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! We are ALL here for you! So if you're not getting support at home, please come here. We want to help.

OK, maybe we can't help with your moving, but we can help in other ways.

Now, one of the reasons you're backsliding or stalled could very well be the stress you're under. Stress releases a hormone (cortisol) which can affect your body in a number of ways including making it more difficult to lose weight.

It's also possible that if you're being treated for depression and your MS, there are some drugs that also will make it more difficult (but not impossible) for you to lose weight. Some will actually put weight on. So you need to possibly start considering some stress reduction exercises (yoga, meditation, writing in a journal, talking to us, etc.) because holding it in isn't going to help you and is actually causing a ripple affect and causing you to have weight loss problems which causes you to be more depressed which releases more cortisol, and so forth. See where I'm going with this? You MUST find a way to deal with your stress and depression (and to counteract your meds) so that you can start enjoying things.

Yes, going to a psychiatrist will help, I'm sure, but you may only see that doctor once or twice a week. So you need to find ways to deal with your stress/depression the rest of the time. What does your doctor suggest?

As for the ankle surgery and the MS, yes, it will slow down your ability to exercise but we have others on these forums who are immobile for a variety of reasons. There are some light exercises that you can still do using your upper body. (Check with your doctor to see what you can do considering your condition.) So you might not have to do totally without exercise.

As far as visiting your children, can you check to see if there are nearby JC centers to them? If so, then, at least when it's not the actual holiday meal, you can eat a JC meal. At the very least, you can have a JC dessert! (I bring a JC brownie with me whenever we go out and I know desserts are going to be an issue. I mean, I bring it to people's homes, to restaurants, etc. - I have no shame - LOL).

Yes, there are temptations when all of this food is put in front of you but you have to keep reminding yourself why you started JC in the first place. Of course, having the thought that you want to lose weight is one thing, but if you have a stronger motivation, like getting healthier, reducing meds, etc., are even stronger motivators, so keep reminding yourself of them. Put up little notes if you have to so you can keep reminding yourself.

Most people will accept that you're on a diet, but if you're afraid your kids are being "pushy" when it comes to food, tell a little white lie. You can either say that you're on new meds that your doc is experimenting with and you have to limit your carbs and sugar or you can say that you had a blood test and your doctor said your sugar was a little high (which also is an affect of cortisol BTW) and he wants you to watch your sugar. (Who is going to argue with your doctor? )

I also suspect, since your husband is planning to retire, that you're not a "kid" anymore. You're like me...a "sexy senior" -

I actually was in the same place you will be a while ago when we needed to move. My hubby was working two jobs so it was pretty much up to me to do it all (while I had a FT job myself). So I just did it slowly. I filled a box or two a day. We got a storage unit and once a week my hubby would bring the boxes to the storage unit.

The good part about that was that when we did put the house up for sale, I was more than half packed. My closets, kitchen and garage looked much roomier and I totally "decluttered." (Now this was before "staging" was so popular but I had figured it out and realized that model homes looked so good because they weren't cluttered. Anyway, even with six other houses for sale on our block, we sold our house in TWO DAYS and for $10,000 more than any of the other houses on the block!)

As for putting the house up for sale and/or looking for another home, that's what realtors are for.

And you can always hire people to help you pack up (or ship your kids in to help) to get you packed.

And I know you don't like to "make waves" with your hubby but he needs to be made to understand what all of this is doing to you. So either you are going to have to sit him down and have a "heart-to-heart" with him or, if you've already tried this and it hasn't worked, perhaps you need to bring him to your psychiatrist's office and have him/her explain how this is negatively affecting you and why he has to be a part of it. (Yes, I know, that's a toughie but I'm sure you've been through harder things than this.)

As far as the diet is concerned, are you TRULY sticking to the plan every day? Are you eating every 2-3 hours? Are you sticking with the JC food? Are you drinking 64 oz. of water (or more) a day? Are you exercising, while you still can, on a regular/daily basis?

If you are doing all of this and you're still not losing, it might be time to change things up. You might need to eat more calories on some days and up your exercise (while you can) and then reduce it by a couple of hundred calories the next day. Change up the type of exercise you're doing to jerk your body out of the complacency it's now in due to the same routine.

You need to make a plan about what you're going to do for Thanksgiving (and Christmas for that matter). Basically stick to JC for all the other meals and then for the "big meal," eat lean turkey (about the size of your palm), load up on veggies or salad (before the dressing gets put on it), decide what you want for your carb (sweet potato - 1/2, no butter; mashed potato - not a great choice because of the milk and butter; 1 cup stuffing; ONE roll or bun or 1 cup of yams (without the marshmallows or other topping)- and that is ONE carb, not all the ones listed - LOL - and your JC dessert.

Also, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK. Plane travel causes you to retain water so don't freak out if your weight goes up. It's normal and it should return a few days after your trip.

Ultimately, Betty, this is your journey and its success depends on you.

We'll be here to cheer you on and give you tips but we can only do so much. Please make YOURSELF a priority on this journey. You have so many other demands on you now so you have to put yourself FIRST. Yes, it will probably be the first time you've done that but so you can be there and healthy for your family in the future, it's important that you take charge of your health and your weight now.

Hope this helps. Please come and 'dump' whenever you need to.

Phyllis

[Jill2003]

I too have been there, and what got me through was putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes taking baby steps, giving things time, and using any support I could find. Plus distractions. I've convinced myself that life is "peaks and valleys."

I'm finding that reading these posts are helping me concentrate on something other than food.

[BarbaraCakes]

Everyone here is giving you great advice. Defintly see your physician, talk to a therapist (I found it to be helpful) and maybe take up yoga.

[Baby B Grandma]

I'm waiting for my car to warm up before heading to work so I don't have time to read all of this thread. Will come back to check it out later. I've been there, too! Like others, I use a couple different methods to cope when life throws its worst at me..

-- I read! (Couple of excellent books include "Today We Are Rich" by Tim Sanders and "100 Ways to Motivate Yourself" by Steve Chandler" among many more. "Purpose Drive Life" also got me out of truly chaotic time in my life.

-- I exercise! Nothing like burning off some steam by working hard.

-- I find my favorite DVD and play it over and over. "You've Got Mail" surprisingly got me through a very hard period of life when I was going through exactly the same thing. We had to sell our business at a loss or risk losing it all together.

Hang in there. Come to the forum daily to find inspiration. I'll check back again.