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Emotional Eating
Started by jake41, Jan 05 2006 04:31 PM
6 replies to this topic
#1
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Posted 05 January 2006 - 04:31 PM
My husband just left me on Jan. 2 the night I came home with our two daughters, 4 and 7, from Disney World. He of course did it the chicken-**** way and moved all of his clothes out while we were gone. We've had alot of problems over the past two years but I thought things were going better so this was Kind of a surprise. I'm hurt, angry, and all the other stuff that comes with this. I don't feel like eating but when I do it something it's usually comfort food. ie. cookies chocolate etc. I haven't been eating any of my JC food, so it's not like I'm eating this stuff on top of my regular meals. But I need some comfort and support and advice from those of you out there. Help me please!
#2
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Posted 08 January 2006 - 03:04 PM
jake41,
I just read your post or I would have responded sooner. Your husband sounds like a real as*. Any man who would leave their wife and children while their away and move out like a baby is not worth it! Problems or no problems he shouldn't have done that without telling you first like a real man should. My philosophy is don't let the door hit you in the as*!!!!!!! Men can be real idiots! Now is the time for you to worry about yourself and your daughters. It is tough but you have to put yourself and them first. What you need now is routine and stability. Stick with the program for you! You can do it! At least if you don't feel like eating eat good choices. After the initial shock wears off maybe you will be ready to stick with the program. Until then don't totally blow it or you will feel worse. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Please let us know how you are doing! You deserve better!!!! Do what I did, if your husband forgot anything put it in garbage bags and throw it out with the trash!!!!! Write back soon.
Jeanne
I just read your post or I would have responded sooner. Your husband sounds like a real as*. Any man who would leave their wife and children while their away and move out like a baby is not worth it! Problems or no problems he shouldn't have done that without telling you first like a real man should. My philosophy is don't let the door hit you in the as*!!!!!!! Men can be real idiots! Now is the time for you to worry about yourself and your daughters. It is tough but you have to put yourself and them first. What you need now is routine and stability. Stick with the program for you! You can do it! At least if you don't feel like eating eat good choices. After the initial shock wears off maybe you will be ready to stick with the program. Until then don't totally blow it or you will feel worse. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Please let us know how you are doing! You deserve better!!!! Do what I did, if your husband forgot anything put it in garbage bags and throw it out with the trash!!!!! Write back soon.
Jeanne
#3
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Posted 12 January 2006 - 08:36 AM
What a jerk! He does not deserve you! Anyhow, a few suggestions would be to empty the house of all the holiday goodies and/or put them in the back of a cupboard. (Out of sight, out of mind) Get the kids involved in choosing healthier snacks and I find walking is very helpful as a stress reliever!
#4
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Posted 14 January 2006 - 01:11 PM
Jake41
How are you doing? I just read your post and it broke my heart. You are worth losing this weight. You deserve to feel better about yourself! That way you can be the best person and mom to your children. Take care of yourself right now! Be selfish right now.
I will be praying for you and your girls.
How are you doing? I just read your post and it broke my heart. You are worth losing this weight. You deserve to feel better about yourself! That way you can be the best person and mom to your children. Take care of yourself right now! Be selfish right now.
I will be praying for you and your girls.
#5
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Posted 07 February 2006 - 08:53 AM
Hey there!!! I just wanted to say...send him a thank you note! He did you a favor, if he doesn't want to be there with you and those children, than let him leave...the jerk! You will be better off for it...I have been through this, the first time I was on my own...w/o a man (or jerk) whatever the case, I lost 100 pounds...this is time for you and your children! You will have times when you comfort yourself with food...it happens, but the most important thing is that you just hang in there and don't give up on yourself, your dreams, or your goals!!! He may have left you, but don't you leave yourself! You can do this!!! All your JC pals are rooting for you!
#6
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Posted 24 April 2006 - 09:37 PM
BREATHE!!!
I do not know what is right in your situation. Sometimes couples DO work things out.
Without more information, and please, your situation deserves the respect of keeping the details for working with a counselor, lawyer, and so on.
I too eat emotionally when I hurt, feel anger, want to escape, well franking, I'll eat for almost any emotion--even happiness.
When I went through a separation and eventual divorce, I needed ongoing counseling, constructive, positive listeners who were not quick to give advice or fix my feelings. I got to take all the time I needed to evaluate my feelings, choices, boundaries and so on.
Employee assistance programs, pastors, free community clinics and so on are available. Ask friends, interview these professionals to find out who's competent and effective (and safe--some quacks out there for sure).
Most of all, know you are in a change process and it takes time to heal the emotions.
Meanwhile write down your extra foods and "WHY" and decide to start learning from your emotional eating.
Use the stop technique.
What helps me is to close the kitchen at night.
Commit to write down extra foods and why.
Make positive changes to address why I eat extra foods--to numb emotional pain, avoid facing losses or avoid admitting embarrassing mistakes, avoid feeling guilt, to avoid feeling bored or inadequate, and so on ad infinitum.
ALTERNATIVES
1. Not overeating to numb--rather journaling, talking with a trusting friend who can affirm my feelings without fixing them (maybe a counselor is best?), making a realistic TO DO list, with baby steps and list of who can help. Creating some safety--such as people who will keep confidences, identifying tradeoffs--if I cannot pay a debt in one payment, maybe I can arrange a debt repayment plan.
2. Not avoiding issues. Again, make a TODO list of what I'm avoiding and why. Set priorities. Which is a TOP priority, 2nd priority (A list, B list). Set deadlines. Break into subtasks. Delegate. Let go of fear. Talk out what you fear with a trusted other(s). Pray for God to help and enlighten you and giveyor courage.
3. Feeling losses. Grief is a major cause of binge eating--from my own xzperience. If I have a safe person who will listen to my feelings of loss-without trying to fix me--more "Uh-huh, sure ..." rather than "wow, well you'll feel better tomorrow" and so on. Who are the trusting listeners in your life? If you need to find someone--network with friends for a friend, minister, grief counselor or go to employee assistance, etc.
4. MAKE A LIST OF NON-FOOD REWARDS.
mINE:
Massage.
Manicures.
Pedicures.
Hairdos.
Facials.
Pet puppies / pets.
Back float in a pool.
Saunas.
Sing in the shower.
Talk with a close friend.
Plan a trip/save to go/get time off/go!
People watch.
Bird watch.
Meditate.
Rock in a rocking chair.
I do not know what is right in your situation. Sometimes couples DO work things out.
Without more information, and please, your situation deserves the respect of keeping the details for working with a counselor, lawyer, and so on.
I too eat emotionally when I hurt, feel anger, want to escape, well franking, I'll eat for almost any emotion--even happiness.
When I went through a separation and eventual divorce, I needed ongoing counseling, constructive, positive listeners who were not quick to give advice or fix my feelings. I got to take all the time I needed to evaluate my feelings, choices, boundaries and so on.
Employee assistance programs, pastors, free community clinics and so on are available. Ask friends, interview these professionals to find out who's competent and effective (and safe--some quacks out there for sure).
Most of all, know you are in a change process and it takes time to heal the emotions.
Meanwhile write down your extra foods and "WHY" and decide to start learning from your emotional eating.
Use the stop technique.
What helps me is to close the kitchen at night.
Commit to write down extra foods and why.
Make positive changes to address why I eat extra foods--to numb emotional pain, avoid facing losses or avoid admitting embarrassing mistakes, avoid feeling guilt, to avoid feeling bored or inadequate, and so on ad infinitum.
ALTERNATIVES
1. Not overeating to numb--rather journaling, talking with a trusting friend who can affirm my feelings without fixing them (maybe a counselor is best?), making a realistic TO DO list, with baby steps and list of who can help. Creating some safety--such as people who will keep confidences, identifying tradeoffs--if I cannot pay a debt in one payment, maybe I can arrange a debt repayment plan.
2. Not avoiding issues. Again, make a TODO list of what I'm avoiding and why. Set priorities. Which is a TOP priority, 2nd priority (A list, B list). Set deadlines. Break into subtasks. Delegate. Let go of fear. Talk out what you fear with a trusted other(s). Pray for God to help and enlighten you and giveyor courage.
3. Feeling losses. Grief is a major cause of binge eating--from my own xzperience. If I have a safe person who will listen to my feelings of loss-without trying to fix me--more "Uh-huh, sure ..." rather than "wow, well you'll feel better tomorrow" and so on. Who are the trusting listeners in your life? If you need to find someone--network with friends for a friend, minister, grief counselor or go to employee assistance, etc.
4. MAKE A LIST OF NON-FOOD REWARDS.
mINE:
Massage.
Manicures.
Pedicures.
Hairdos.
Facials.
Pet puppies / pets.
Back float in a pool.
Saunas.
Sing in the shower.
Talk with a close friend.
Plan a trip/save to go/get time off/go!
People watch.
Bird watch.
Meditate.
Rock in a rocking chair.
#7
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Posted 26 April 2006 - 01:32 AM
I am not single, but I saw Emotional Eating and had to weigh in (no pun intended). My heart goes out to you. Your husban acted totally like a jerk....to move out while you were at DISNEYWORLD shows no respect for you or your children.
I know for me, the emotional eating comes in waves of loss of control...then finally I make up my mind I have to do something and get myself out of the funk. What I am learning is that it really is within MY control.
All of the suggestions above are worthwhile alternatives...but until you hit that bottom and take control, it can be hard.
You must be grieving the loss of your marriage and the injustice done to you...I highly recommend counseling...at a clinic if you don't have a health care plan that pays...don't go it alone. Do you have supportive friends and family? Be sure to lean on them, too. And this board.
Sending you empathy and hugs...
Ellie
I know for me, the emotional eating comes in waves of loss of control...then finally I make up my mind I have to do something and get myself out of the funk. What I am learning is that it really is within MY control.
All of the suggestions above are worthwhile alternatives...but until you hit that bottom and take control, it can be hard.
You must be grieving the loss of your marriage and the injustice done to you...I highly recommend counseling...at a clinic if you don't have a health care plan that pays...don't go it alone. Do you have supportive friends and family? Be sure to lean on them, too. And this board.
Sending you empathy and hugs...
Ellie
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