My Jenny Journey

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Everything Happens for a Reason?

Tricia_Marie

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Yesterday was supposed to be the happiest day of my week, the day that my son and I got to see our newest addition on an ultrasound. I could not recall the first day of my last period, so the ultrasound was needed so that they could determine how far along I was and my due date.  At my appointment I got checked out, discussed several things with the doctor prior to the ultrasound. Next, they ushered us across the hall to the ultra sound room. I lay on the bed waiting for images to come into view. The doc let me know that she was going to be looking around first, before looking at the baby. Then she started to talk about the baby, said that it was measuring at 6.5 weeks, but that there was no visible heartbeat and that there was a 50/50 chance that this was going to be a miscarriage. She ordered labs to check my blood for HCG levels for yesterday and again on Thursday and said that she would call once she had the results with the next course of action. I was/am devastated.

 

I am confused, I do not know whether I should have any hope at all, or if I should simply prepare for the worst. I am not in pain, I am not bleeding, everything feels normal with the exception of my broken heart.

 

When I found out that I was pregnant it came as a shock, but I was able to see that there was a reason that this baby was brought into my life, a reason for this detour. Now, I am lost and I do not understand the reasons. I know that I am not the first nor last woman to have a miscarriage, but I cannot understand why I needed to learn this lesson. What was the point? Was I too happy?

 

I won't know anything conclusive until tomorrow when the doctor calls, but I had to talk about it. I am sad, angry, disappointed, and heartbroken all at the same time and the waiting does not help.



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I am very sorry to hear this... And praying that you get good news today. 

 

You have no idea how much I admire your courage to share all your journey here - you are such an inspiration!

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Tricia_Marie

Posted

*Update*

 

My HCG levels dropped from 46,000 to 35,000 which tells my doctor that a miscarriage is going to take place, it is just a matter of when at this point.

She gave me my options and I have chosen to wait for it to happen naturally.

I still do not know what I was supposed to learn from this experience, and I am heartbroken.

 

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ChristiS

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I'm so sorry, Tricia_Marie.  The things we gain from painful experiences can be difficult to see or even understand.  And nothing but time decreases grief.  You are in my thoughts.

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missbumble

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OH no - I am so sorry!!!! I am thinking of you - come here post often.... Thank you for sharing - and know that we are all here and you are in our hearts!! Sue

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@Tricia_Marie I am so sorry for your loss! I experienced the same thing in the summer of 2000, between my two girls. I was heartbroken as well and felt very alone. I hope that by sharing this you know that you...are...not....alone. I never bled either which made it all seem so unreal and not even true. That does make it harder because I didn’t believe that I still wasn’t pregnant. I chose to have a DNC within the week, after coming to terms that my baby was indeed gone and at the recommendation of my doc. It was a sad time for my hubby and I but I did end up getting pregnant again with my rainbow baby who was born in 2003. Peace be with you! Take time out to grieve...let me know if you want to talk. 

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nevergiveup33

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I am saying a prayer for you.  I had the same experience 14 years ago.  There was no heart beat.   I chose to a have a DNC.  The baby I miscarried was due on Christmas day.  That day Christmas Day I found out I was pregnant again and then 7 days later found out it was twins.     It didn't happen because you were too happy.   Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason behind things that happen.  Stay strong take time to grieve your loss.  

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I am so very sorry honey. I pray that God will be with you and your family during this time.  

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Tricia_Marie

Posted

Thank you! All of your kind words mean so very much to me.

 

xoxo

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I’m so sorry- take your time to grieve.. know we are praying for you ❤️

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