Ah - there's the option to BLOG! THAT's what I was looking for.
I wrote a couple novels over in the forum boards, but was feeling... I don't know... like what I really wanted was a BLOG!
So I'm on Day 5 and I've had a curious week.
I binged out a little on Day 2 - that breakfast bagel is not the breakfast for me. I negotiated with myself (always a harbinger of an off plan choice) for some fancy cheese spread on the bagel, which tasted pretty good - lots of salt - and next thing you know, I've had 2 more bagels (from my kitchen, like food for my fam, not for me) with all the rest of the cheese.
I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to weigh myself every day - I can get really obsessive about the scale, weighing multiple times in the morning... it just gets silly. So I have been weighing myself a bit, but not writing it down, and certainly not agreeing with that space on my menu for "daily weight." No. BUT I did happen to have weighed myself and seen 227 and then after the binge it was like 229.something, and very discouraging. But I'd written on the front of my menu in the "This week's plan for success:" spot: "Don't overthink it - let the plan do the thinking for you. Just follow the plan."
I was listening to an audio book by a woman who had lost weight, and she happened to say, "Don't overthink it," in the part of the book I was listening to. It called me back! It was just a coincidence I'm sure, but I felt grounded again. Just follow the plan.
So then I strung together several on plan (or almost on plan) days. I had a 200 calorie slip up yesterday, but for the most part, I'm feeling empowered. My weight today was down to 226.something, which put me in a good mood. I'm must not cower in the face of a gain/plateau on the scale though. Which is why I think not weighing might be the better choice for me. Also - I weigh in the morning in light pj's. I'm pretty sure if I weigh on Tues morning like I normally do, I'll be disappointed at my Tuesday 3pm appt when I'll have eaten and drank breakfast and lunch! And I don't want to be disappointed at my appt - I want to be delighted! And I think if I stay on plan today, Monday, and Tuesday, and don't weigh in the mornings, that this is JUST what will happen!
I'm really seeing my time at JC as a training course, or a boot camp maybe! My eating has become really disordered over the years. Part of it has been that I've tried some really serious diets that produce results but are so counter-cultural, they end up being really difficult to stick to... Nutritarianism anyone? And while I believe that Dr. Furhman (author of Eat to Live, and a zillion other books that all say the same thing: you will be healthy if you eat only fruits, vegetables, beans, nuts, and seeds) is exactly right - I need some baby steps toward that kind of eating. Instead, I've just gotten overwhelmed and binged and binged.
So now I'm trying to learn how to eat 3 meals and give myself permission to have 2 snacks every day. I totally believe in ending the eating window fairly early each evening, so I put the evening treat either in the afternoon or as a part of my evening meal. The portion sizes are critical - I'm trying to re-intigrate a proper understanding of a reasonable portion size! And then the routine eating of fruits and vegetables is also something I consider to be a high priority. I've swung wildly in the past between all veg all the time and then none for weeks on end. I need that balance of salads, fruit, and veg every day, but not to the exclusion of other food groups, b/c that's when I really start feeling deprived and a binge sneaks up and grabs me!
I remember from prior JC periods in my life and my mom and I marvelled over the following sitch: "I wanted an off program treat, but I resisted it. An hour later, I realized I felt fine. Like - I would feel exactly the same whether I had the treat or not - it wasn't some magical treat. If I had it, an hour later I would feel fine. If I didn't have it, an hour later I would feel fine. So how about I DON'T have it, save myself the calories, and in addition to feeling the same physically, I can also feel proud of myself for staying on course!"
Sun, Mon, Tues: on program days
Sun, Mon, Tues: no morning weigh ins, so I can be delighted with my Tuesday afternoon weigh in
Stay on task at work, b/c when I feel good about work, it's easy to feel good about the rest, and it's easier to make good decisions!